Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Saturday, December 8, 2012
The Rules
STOLEN FROM WWW.VELOMINATI.COM
THE RULES
by The Keepers / Jun 1 2009 / 7,202 posts
We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules.
It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list. For those struggling to understand exactly what it means to be a Rule Holist and embrace all these Rules, please review the following material: Presenting: Obey The Rules (Welly White Boy Edit) by GangstaPhant featuring BrettOK and Newz. Download:
Obey the Rules Rule #1 // Obey The Rules.
Rule #2 // Lead by example. It is forbidden for someone familiar with The Rules to knowingly assist another person to breach them.
Rule #3 // Guide the uninitiated. No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.
Rule #4 // It’s all about the bike. It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the bike. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a twatwaffle.
Rule #5 // Harden The Fuck Up.
Rule #6 // Free your mind and your legs will follow. Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start riding your bike. Once the pedals start to turn, wrap yourself in the sensations of the ride – the smell of the air, the sound of the tires, the feeling of flight as the bicycle rolls over the road.
Rule #7 // Tan lines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp. Under no circumstances should one be rolling up their sleeves or shorts in an effort to somehow diminish one’s tan lines. Sleeveless jerseys are under no circumstances to be employed. Rule #8 // Saddles, bars, and tires shall be carefully matched.3 Valid options are: Match the saddle to the bars and the tires to black; or Match the bars to the color of the frame at the top of the head tube and the saddle to the color of the frame at the top of the seat tube and the tires to the color where they come closest to the frame; or Match the saddle and the bars to the frame decals; or Black, black, black
Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period. Fair-weather riding is a luxury reserved for Sunday afternoons and wide boulevards. Those who ride in foul weather – be it cold, wet, or inordinately hot – are members of a special club of riders who, on the morning of a big ride, pull back the curtain to check the weather and, upon seeing rain falling from the skies, allow a wry smile to spread across their face. This is a rider who loves the work.
Rule #10 // It never gets easier, you just go faster. Climbing is hard. It stays hard. To put it another way, per Greg Henderson: “Training is like fighting with a gorilla. You don’t stop when you’re tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired.” Sur la Plaque, fucktards.
Rule #11 // Family does not come first. The bike does. Sean Kelly, being interviewed after the ’84 Amstel Gold Race, spots his wife leaning against his Citroën AX. He interrupts the interview to tell her to get off the paintwork, to which she shrugs, “In your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” Instinctively, he snaps back, “You got the order wrong. The bike comes first.”
Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1. While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.
Rule #13 // If you draw race number 13, turn it upside down. Paradoxically, the same mind that holds such control over the body is also woefully fragile and prone to superstitious thought. It fills easily with doubt and is distracted by ancillary details. This is why the tape must always be perfect, the machine silent, the kit spotless. And, if you draw the unlucky Number 13, turn it upside down to counter-act its negative energy.
Rule #14 // Shorts should be black. Team-issue shorts should be black, with the possible exception of side-panels, which may match the rest of the team kit.
Rule #15 // Black shorts should also be worn with leader’s jerseys. Black shorts, or at least standard team-kit shorts, must be worn with Championship jerseys and race leadership jerseys. Don’t over-match your kit, or accept that you will look like a douche.
Rule #16 // Respect the jersey. Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race. Rule #17 // Team kit is for members of the team. Wearing Pro team kit is also questionable if you’re not paid to wear it. If you must fly the colors of Pro teams, all garments should match perfectly, i.e no Mapei jersey with Kelme shorts and Telekom socks.
Rule #18 // No road jerseys or Lycra bibs when riding off-road. Cyclocross is a middle-ground. Best to wear cross-specific kit: skin suits only. No exceptions.
Rule #19 // No mountain jerseys or baggies when riding on the road. Cyclocross is a middle-ground. Best to wear cross-specific kit: skin suits only. No exceptions.
Rule #20 // There are only three remedies for pain. These are: If your quads start to burn, shift forward to use your hamstrings and calves, or If your calves or hamstrings start to burn, shift back to use your quads, or If you feel wimpy and weak, meditate on Rule #5 and train more!
Rule #21 // Cold weather gear is for cold weather. Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like a hardman, when the weather warrants their use.
Rule #22 // Cycling caps are for cycling. Cycling caps can be worn under helmets, but never when not riding, no matter how hip you think you look. This will render one a douche, and should result in public berating or beating. The only time it is acceptable to wear a cycling cap is while directly engaged in cycling activities and while clad in cycling kit. This includes activities taking place prior to and immediately after the ride such as machine tuning and tire pumping. Also included are cafe appearances for pre-ride espressi and post-ride pub appearances for body-refueling ales (provided said pub has sunny, outdoor patio – do not stray inside a pub wearing kit or risk being ceremoniously beaten by leather-clad biker chicks). Under these conditions, having your cap skull-side tipped jauntily at a rakish angle is, one might say, de rigueur. All good things must be taken in measure, however, and as such it is critical that we let sanity and good taste prevail: as long as the first sip of the relevant caffeine or hop-based beverage is taken whilst beads of sweat, snow, or rain are still evident on one’s brow then it is legitimate for the cap to be worn. However, once all that remains in the cranial furrows is salt, it is then time to shower, throw on some suitable après-ride attire (a woollen Molteni Arcore training top circa ’73 comes to mind) and return to the bar, folded copy of pastel-coloured news publication in hand, ready for formal fluid replacement. It is also helpful if you are a Giant of the Road, as demonstrated here, rather than a giant douchebag. 5
Rule #23 // Shoe covers are for cold or wet. If it’s not cold or wet and you are still wearing shoe covers it’s because you’re a pussy.
Rule #24 // Speeds and distances shall be referred to and measured in kilometers. This includes while discussing cycling in the workplace with your non-cycling coworkers, serving to further mystify our sport in the web of their Neanderthalic cognitive capabilities. As the confused expression spreads across their unibrowed faces, casually mention your shaved legs. All of cycling’s monuments are measured in the metric system and as such the English system is forbidden.
Rule #25 // The bikes on top of your car should be worth more than the car. Or at least be relatively more expensive. Basically, if you’re putting your Huffy on your Rolls, you’re in trouble, mister. Remember what Sean said.
Rule #26 // Make your bike photogenic. When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera. Valve stems at 6 o’clock. Cranks around the 30 degree mark. Not 90 or 180. Chain on the big dog. No bidons in the cages.
Rule #27 // Shorts and socks should be like Golidlocks. Not too long and not too short. (Disclaimer: despite Sean Yates’ horrible choice in shorts length, he is a quintessential hard man of cycling and is deeply admired by the Velominati. Whereas Armstrong’s short and sock lengths are just plain wrong.) No socks is a no-no, as are those ankle-length ones that should only be worn by female tennis players.
Rule #28 // Socks can be any damn colour you like. White is old school cool. Black is cool too, but were given a bad image by a Texan whose were too long. If you fell you must go colored, make sure they damn well match your kit. Tip: DeFeet Wool-E-Ators rule.
Rule #29 // No European Posterior Man-Satchels. Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.
Rule #30 // No frame-mounted pumps. Either Co2 cannisters or mini-pumps should be carried in jersey pockets (See Rule #31). The only exception to this rule is to mount a Silca brand frame pump in the rear triangle of the frame, with the rear wheel skewer as the pump mount nob, as demonstrated by members of the 7-Eleven and Ariostea pro cycling teams. As such, a frame pump mounted upside-down and along the left (skewer lever side) seat stay is both old skool and euro and thus acceptable. We restate at this time that said pump may under no circumstances be a Zefal and must be made by Silca. Said Silca pump must be fitted with a Campagnolo head. It is acceptable to gaffer-tape a mini-pump to your frame when no C02 cannisters are available and your pockets are full of spare kit and energy gels. However, the rider should expect to be stopped and questioned and may be required to empty pockets to prove there is no room in them for the pump.
Rule #31 // Spare tubes, multi-tools and repair kits should be stored in jersey pockets. If absolutely necessary, in a converted bidon in a cage on bike. Or, use one of these.
Rule #32 // Humps are for camels: no hydration packs. Hydration packs are never to be seen on a road rider’s body. No argument will be entered into on this. For MTB, they are cool.
Rule #33 // Shave your guns. Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times. If, for some reason, your legs are to be left hairy, make sure you can dish out plenty of hurt to shaved riders, or be considered a hippie douche on your way to a Critical Mass. Whether you use a straight razor or a Bowie knife, use Baxter to keep them smooth.
Rule #34 // Mountain bike shoes and pedals have their place. On a mountain bike.
Rule #35 // No visors on the road. Road helmets can be worn on mountain bikes, but never the other way around. If you want shade, see Rule #22.
Rule #36 // Eyewear shall be cycling specific. No Aviator shades, blueblockers, or clip-on covers for eye glasses. Rule #37 // The arms of the eyewear shall always be placed over the helmet straps. No exceptions. This is for various reasons that may or may not matter; it’s just the way it is. Rule #38 // Don’t Play Leap Frog. Train Properly: if you get passed by someone, it is nothing personal, just accept that on the day/effort/ride they were stronger than you. If you can’t deal, work harder. But don’t go playing leap frog to get in front only to be taken over again (multiple times) because you can’t keep up the pace. Especially don’t do this just because the person overtaking you is a woman. Seriously. Get over it.
Rule #39 // Never ride without your eyewear. You should not make a habit of riding without eyewear, although approved extenuating circumstances include fog, overheating, and lighting condition. When not worn over the eyes, they should be neatly tucked into the vents of your helmet. If they don’t fit, buy a new helmet. In the meantime you can wear them backwards on the back of your head or carefully tuck them into your jersey pocket, making sure not to scratch them on your tools (see item 31).
Rule #40 // Tires are to be mounted with the label centered directly over the valve stem. Pro mechanics do it because it makes it easier to find the valve. You do this because that’s the way pro mechanics do it. This will save you precious seconds while your fat ass sits on the roadside fumbling with your CO2 after a flat. It also looks better for photo opportunities. Note: This obviously only applies to clinchers as tubulars don’t give you a choice.
Rule #41 // Quick-release levers are to be carefully positioned. Quick release angle on the front skewer shall be an upward angle which tightens just aft of the fork and the rear quick release shall tighten at an angle that bisects angle between the seat and chain stays. It is acceptable, however, to have the rear quick release tighten upward, just aft of the seat stay, when the construction of the frame or its dropouts will not allow the preferred positioning. For Time Trial bikes only, quick releases may be in the horizontal position facing towards the rear of the bike. This is for maximum aero effect.
Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run. If it’s preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run, it is not called a bike race, it is called duathlon or a triathlon. Neither of which is a bike race. Also keep in mind that one should only swim in order to prevent drowning, and should only run if being chased. And even then, one should only run fast enough to prevent capture.
Rule #43 // Don’t be a jackass. But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road.
Rule #44 // Position matters. In order to find The V-Locus, a rider’s handlebars on their road bike must always be lower than their saddle. The only exception to this is if you’re revolutionizing the sport, in which case you must also be prepared to break the World Hour Record. The minimum allowable tolerance is 4cm; there is no maximum, but people may berate you if they feel you have them too low.
Rule #45 // Slam your stem. A maximum stack height of 2cm is allowed below the stem and a single 5mm spacer must always – always – be stacked above. A “slammed down” stack height is preferable; meaning that the stem is positioned directly on the top race of the headset.
Rule #46 // Keep your bars level. Handlebars will be mounted parallel to the ground or angled slightly upward. While they may never be pointed down at all, they may be angled up slightly; allowed handlebar tilt is to be between 180 and 175 degrees with respect to the level road. The brake levers will preferably be mounted such that the end of the brake lever is even with the bottom of the bar. Modern bars, however, dictate that this may not always be possible, so tolerances are permitted within reason. Brake hoods should not approach anything near 45 degrees, as some riders with poor taste have been insisting on doing.
Rule #47 // Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Cycling and beer are so intertwined we may never understand the full relationship. Beer is a recovery drink, an elixir for post-ride trash talking and a just plain excellent thing to pour down the neck. We train to drink so don’t fool around. Drink quality beer from real breweries. If it is brewed with rice instead of malted barley or requires a lime, you are off the path. Know your bittering units like you know your gear length. Life is short, don’t waste it on piss beer.
Rule #48 // Keep your saddle level. The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy.
Rule #49 // Slide your saddle back. The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44 and Rule #48.)
Rule #50 // Facial hair is to be carefully regulated. No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with “Marco” and ends with “Pantani”, or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald. One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.
Rule #51 // Livestrong wristbands are cockrings for your arms. While we hate cancer, isn’t it better to just donate some money and not have to advertise the fact for the next five years? You may as well get “tryhard wanker” tattooed on your forehead. Or you may well be a bogan.
Rule #52 // Padding or body armor of any kind is not allowed. If you find you need it, try pointing your bike up the hill for a change.
Rule #53 // Keep your kit clean and new. As a courtesy to those around you, your kit should always be freshly laundered, and, under no circumstances should the crackal region of your shorts be worn out or see-through.
Rule #54 // No aerobars on road bikes. Aerobars or other clip-on attachments are under no circumstances to be employed on your road bike. The only exception to this is if you are competing in a mountain timetrail.
Rule #55 // Earn your turns. If you are riding down a mountain, you must first have ridden up the mountain. It is forbidden to employ powered transportation simply for the cheap thrill of descending. The only exception to this is if you are doing intervals on Alpe d’Huez or the Plan de Corones and you park your car up top before doing 20 repeats of the climb.
Rule #56 // Espresso or macchiato only. When wearing cycling kit and enjoying a pre or post ride coffee, it is only appropriate to drink espresso or macchiato. If the word soy/skim latte is heard to be used by a member wearing cycling apparel, then that person must be ceremonially beaten with Co2 canisters or mini pumps by others within the community.
Rule #57 // No stickers. Nobody gives a shit what causes you support, what war you’re against, what gear you buy, or what year you rode RAGBRAI. See Rule #5 and ride your bike. Decals, on the other hand, are not only permissible, but extremely Pro.
Rule #58 // Support your local bike shop. Never buy bikes, parts or accessories online. Going into your local shop, asking myriad inane questions, tying up the staff’s time, then going online to buy is akin to sleeping with your best friend’s wife, then having a beer with him after. Online is evil and will be the death of the bike shop. If you do purchase parts online, be prepared to mount and maintain them yourself. If you enter a shop with parts you have bought online and expect them to fit them, be prepared to be told to see your online seller for fitting and warranty help.
Rule #59 // Hold your line. Ride predictably, and don’t make sudden movements. And, under no circumstances, are you to deviate from your line. Rule #60 // Ditch the washer-nut and valve-stem cap. You are not, under any circumstances, to employ the use of the washer-nut and valve-stem cap that come with your inner-tubes or tubulars. They are only supplied to meet shipping regulations. They are useless when it comes to tubes and tires.
Rule #61 // Like your guns, saddles should be smooth and hard. Under no circumstances may your saddle have more than 3mm of padding. Special allowances will be made for stage racing when physical pain caused by subcutaneous cysts and the like (“saddle sores”) are present. Under those conditions, up to 5mm of padding will be allowed – it should be noted that this exception is only temporary until the condition has passed or been excised. A hardman would not change their saddle at all but instead cut a hole in it to relieve pressure on the delicate area. It is noted that if Rule #48 and/or Rule #5 is observed then any “padding” is superfluous.7
Rule #62 // You shall not ride with earphones. Cycling is about getting outside and into the elements and you don’t need to be listening to Queen or Slayer in order to experience that. Immerse yourself in the rhythm and pain, not in whatever 80′s hair band you call “music”. See Rule #5 and ride your bike.8
Rule #63 // Point in the direction you’re turning. Signal a left turn by pointing your left arm to the left. To signal a right turn, simply point with your right arm to the right. This one is, presumably, mostly for Americans: that right-turn signal that Americans are taught to make with your left arm elbow-out and your forearm pointing upwards was developed for motor-vehicles prior to the invention of the electric turn signal since it was rather difficult to reach from the driver-side all the way out the passenger-side window to signal a right turn. On a bicycle, however, we don’t have this limitation and it is actually quite easy to point your right arm in the direction you are turning. The American right-turn signal just makes you look like you’re waving “hello” to traffic.
Rule #64 // Cornering confidence increases with time and experience. This pattern continues until it falls sharply and suddenly.
Rule #65 // Maintain and respect your machine. Bicycles must adhere to the Principle of Silence and as such must be meticulously maintained. It must be cherished, and when leaning it against a wall, must be leaned carefully such that only the bars, saddle, or tires come in contact with the wall or post. This is true even when dismounting prior to collapsing after the World Championship Time Trial. No squeaks, creaks, or chain noise allowed. Only the soothing hum of your tires upon the tarmac and the rhythm of your breathing may be audible when riding. When riding the Pave, the sound of chain slap is acceptable. The Principle of Silence can be extended to say that if you are suffering such that your breathing begins to adversely effect the enjoyment of the other riders in the bunch, you are to summarily sit up and allow yourself to be dropped.
Rule #66 // No mirrors. Mirrors are allowed on your (aptly named) Surly Big Dummy or your Surly Long Haul Trucker. Not on your road steed. Not on your Mountain bike. Not on your helmet. If someone familiar with The Rules has sold you such an abomination, return the mirror and demand a refund, plus interest and damages.
Rule #67 // Do your time in the wind. Nobody likes a wheel sucker. You might think you’re playing a smart tactical game by letting everyone else do the work while you sit on, but races (even Town Sign Sprints) are won through cooperation and spending time on the rivet, flogging yourself and taking risks. Riding wheels and jumping past at the end is one thing and one thing only: poor sportsmanship.
Rule #68 // Rides are to be measured by quality, not quantity. Rides are to be measured by the quality of their distance and never by distance alone. For climbing rides, distances should be referred to by the amount of vertical covered; flat and rolling rides should be referred to by their distance and average speed. For example, declaring “We rode 4km” would assert that 4000m were covered during the ride, with the distance being irrelevant. Conversely, a flat ride of 150km at 23kmh is not something that should be discussed in an open forum and Rule #5 must be reviewed at once.
Rule #69 // Cycling shoes and bicycles are made for riding. Any walking conducted while wearing cycling shoes must be strictly limited. When taking a slash or filling bidons during a 200km ride (at 38kmh, see Rule #68) one is to carefully stow one’s bicycle at the nearest point navigable by bike and walk the remaining distance. It is strictly prohibited that under any circumstances a cyclist should walk up a steep incline, with the obvious exception being when said incline is blocked by riders who crashed because you are on the Koppenberg. For clarification, see Rule #5.7
Rule #70 // The purpose of competing is to win. End of. Any reference to not achieving this should be referred immediately to Rule #5.
Rule #71 // Train Properly. Know how to train properly and stick to your training plan. Ignore other cyclists with whom you are not intentionally riding. The time for being competitive is not during your training rides, but during competition.
Rule #72 // Legs speak louder than words. Unless you routinely demonstrate your riding superiority and the smoothness of your Stroke, refrain from discussing your power meter, heartrate, or any other riding data. Also see Rule #74. Rule #73 // Gear and brake cables should be cut to optimum length. Cables should create a perfect arc around the headtube and, whenever possible, cross under the downtube. Right shifter cable should go to the left cable stop and vice versa.
Rule #74 // V Meters or small computers only. Forgo the data and ride on feel; little compares to the pleasure of riding as hard as your mind will allow. If you are not a Pro or aspire to be one, then you don’t need a SRM or PowerTap. To paraphrase BSNYC, an amateur cyclist using a power meter is like hiring an accountant to tell you how poor you are. As for Garmins, how often do you get lost on a ride? They are bulky, ugly and superflous. Cycle computers should be simple, small and mounted on the stem. And preferably wireless.
Rule #75 // Race numbers are for races. Remove it from your frame before the next training ride because no matter how cool you think it looks, it does not look cool. Unless you are in a race. In which case it looks cool.
Rule #76 // Helmets are to be hung from your stem. When not worn, helmets are to be clipped to the stem and draped over your handlebars thusly.
Rule #77 // Respect the earth; don’t litter. Cycling is not an excuse to litter. Do not throw your empty gel packets, energy bar wrappers or punctured tubes on the road or in the bush. Stuff em in your jersey pockets, and repair that tube when you get home.
Rule #78 // Remove unnecessary gear. When racing in a criterium of 60 minutes or less the second (unused) water bottle cage must be removed in order to preserve the aesthetic of the racing machine.
Rule #79 // Fight for your town lines. Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not in to it or too shagged to do anything but pedal the bike.
Rule #80 // Always be Casually Deliberate. Waiting for others pre-ride or at the start line pre-race, you must be tranquilo, resting on your top tube thusly. This may be extended to any time one is aboard the bike, but not riding it, such as at stop lights.
Rule #81 // Don’t talk it up. Crashes may only be discussed and recounted when the rider or spectator has ended up requiring hospitalization. Otherwise revert to Rule #5.
Rule #82 // Close the gap. Whilst riding in cold and/or Rule #9 conditions replete with arm warmers, under no circumstances is there to be any exposed skin between the hems of your kit and the hems of your arm. If this occurs, you either need to wear a kit that fits you properly or increase the size of your guns. Arm warmers may, however, be shoved to the wrists in Five and Dime scenarios, particularly those involving Rule #9 conditions. The No-Gap Principle also applies to knee and leg warmers with the variation that these are under no circumstances to be scrunched down around the ankles; Merckx have mercy on whomever is caught in such a sorry, sorry state. It is important to note that while one can wear arm warmers without wearing knee or leg warmers, one cannot wear knee or leg warmers without wearing arm warmers (or a long sleeve jersey). It is completely inappropriate to have uncovered arms, while covering the knees, with the exception of brief periods of time when the arm warmers may be shoved to the wrists while going uphill in a Five and Dime situation. If the weather changes and one must remove a layer, the knee/leg coverings must go before the arm coverings. If that means that said rider must take off his knee or leg warmers while racing, then this is a skill he must be accomplished in. The single exception would be before an event in which someone plans on wearing neither arm or leg warmers while racing, but would like to keep the legs warm before the event starts; though wearing a long sleeve jersey over the racing kit at this time is also advised. One must not forget to remove said leg warmers.
Rule #83 // Be self-sufficient. Unless you are followed by a team car, you will repair your own punctures. You will do so expediently, employing your own skills, using your own equipment, and without complaining that your expensive tyres are too tight for your puny thumbs to fit over your expensive rim. The fate of a rider who has failed to equip himself pursuant to Rule #31, or who knows not how to use said equipment, shall be determined at the discretion of any accompanying or approaching rider in accordance with Rule #84.
Rule #84 // Follow the Code. Consistently with The Code Of The Domestique, the announcement of a flat tyre in a training ride entitles – but does not oblige – all riders then present in the bunch to cease riding without fear of being labelled Pussies. All stopped riders are thereupon entitled – but not obliged – to lend assistance, instruction and/or stringent criticism of the tyre mender’s technique. The duration of a Rule #84 stop is entirely discretionary, but is generally inversely proportional to the duration of the remaining time available for post-ride espresso.
Rule #85 // Descend like a Pro. All descents shall be undertaken at speeds commonly regarded as “ludicrous” or “insane” by those less talented. In addition all corners will be traversed in an outside-inside-outside trajectory, with the outer leg extended and the inner leg canted appropriately (but not too far as to replicate a motorcycle racer, for you are not one), to assist in balance and creation of an appealing aesthetic. Brakes are generally not to be employed, but if absolutely necessary, only just prior to the corner. Also see Rule #64.18
Rule #86 // Don’t half-wheel. Never half-wheel your riding partners; it’s terrible form – it is always the other guy who sets the pace. Unless, of course, you are on the rivet, in which case it’s an excellent intimidation technique.
Rule #87 // The Ride Starts on Time. No exceptions. The upside of always leaving on time is considerable. Others will be late exactly once. You signal that the sanctity of this ride, like all rides, is not something with which you should muck. You demonstrate, not with words but with actions, your commitment. As a bonus, you make more time for post-ride espresso. “On Time”, of course, is taken to mean at V past the hour or half hour.
Rule #88 // Don’t surge. When rolling onto the front to take your turn in the wind, see Rule #67, do not suddenly lift the pace unless trying to establish a break. The key to maintaining a high average speed is to work with your companions and allow no gaps to form in the line. It is permissible to lift the pace gradually and if this results in people being dropped then they have been ridden off your wheel and are of no use to the bunch anyway. If you are behind someone who jumps on the pedals when they hit the front do not reprimand the offender with cries of ‘Don’t Surge’ unless the offender is a Frenchman named Serge.
Rule #89 // Pronounce it Correctly. All races shall be referred to by the name given in its country of origin, and care shall be taken to pronounce the name as well as possible. For Belgian Races, it is preferable to choose the name given in its region of origin, though it is at the speaker’s discretion to use either the Flemish or Wallonian pronunciation. This principle shall also be extended to apply to riders’ names, bicycle and component marquees, and cycling accoutrements.
Rule #90 // Never Get Out of the Big Ring. If it gets steeper, just push harder on the pedals. When pressed on the matter, the Apostle Johan Museeuw simply replied, “Yes, why would you slow down?”
Rule #91 // No Food On Training Rides Under Four Hours. This one also comes from the Apostle, Johan Museeuw, who said to @frank: “Yes, no food on rides under four hours. You need to lose some weight.” Or, as Fignon put it, sometimes, when we train, we simply have to go out to meet the Man with the Hammer. The exception is, of course, hard rides over two hours and races. Also, if you’re planning on being out for more than four hours, start eating before you get hungry. This aslo applies to energy drink supplements. Post
We are the Keepers of the Cog. In so being, we also maintain the sacred text wherein lie the simple truths of cycling etiquette known as The Rules.
It is in our trust to maintain and endorse this list. For those struggling to understand exactly what it means to be a Rule Holist and embrace all these Rules, please review the following material: Presenting: Obey The Rules (Welly White Boy Edit) by GangstaPhant featuring BrettOK and Newz. Download:
Obey the Rules Rule #1 // Obey The Rules.
Rule #2 // Lead by example. It is forbidden for someone familiar with The Rules to knowingly assist another person to breach them.
Rule #3 // Guide the uninitiated. No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.
Rule #4 // It’s all about the bike. It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the bike. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a twatwaffle.
Rule #5 // Harden The Fuck Up.
Rule #6 // Free your mind and your legs will follow. Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start riding your bike. Once the pedals start to turn, wrap yourself in the sensations of the ride – the smell of the air, the sound of the tires, the feeling of flight as the bicycle rolls over the road.
Rule #7 // Tan lines should be cultivated and kept razor sharp. Under no circumstances should one be rolling up their sleeves or shorts in an effort to somehow diminish one’s tan lines. Sleeveless jerseys are under no circumstances to be employed. Rule #8 // Saddles, bars, and tires shall be carefully matched.3 Valid options are: Match the saddle to the bars and the tires to black; or Match the bars to the color of the frame at the top of the head tube and the saddle to the color of the frame at the top of the seat tube and the tires to the color where they come closest to the frame; or Match the saddle and the bars to the frame decals; or Black, black, black
Rule #9 // If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period. Fair-weather riding is a luxury reserved for Sunday afternoons and wide boulevards. Those who ride in foul weather – be it cold, wet, or inordinately hot – are members of a special club of riders who, on the morning of a big ride, pull back the curtain to check the weather and, upon seeing rain falling from the skies, allow a wry smile to spread across their face. This is a rider who loves the work.
Rule #10 // It never gets easier, you just go faster. Climbing is hard. It stays hard. To put it another way, per Greg Henderson: “Training is like fighting with a gorilla. You don’t stop when you’re tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired.” Sur la Plaque, fucktards.
Rule #11 // Family does not come first. The bike does. Sean Kelly, being interviewed after the ’84 Amstel Gold Race, spots his wife leaning against his Citroën AX. He interrupts the interview to tell her to get off the paintwork, to which she shrugs, “In your life the car comes first, then the bike, then me.” Instinctively, he snaps back, “You got the order wrong. The bike comes first.”
Rule #12 // The correct number of bikes to own is n+1. While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.
Rule #13 // If you draw race number 13, turn it upside down. Paradoxically, the same mind that holds such control over the body is also woefully fragile and prone to superstitious thought. It fills easily with doubt and is distracted by ancillary details. This is why the tape must always be perfect, the machine silent, the kit spotless. And, if you draw the unlucky Number 13, turn it upside down to counter-act its negative energy.
Rule #14 // Shorts should be black. Team-issue shorts should be black, with the possible exception of side-panels, which may match the rest of the team kit.
Rule #15 // Black shorts should also be worn with leader’s jerseys. Black shorts, or at least standard team-kit shorts, must be worn with Championship jerseys and race leadership jerseys. Don’t over-match your kit, or accept that you will look like a douche.
Rule #16 // Respect the jersey. Championship and race leader jerseys must only be worn if you’ve won the championship or led the race. Rule #17 // Team kit is for members of the team. Wearing Pro team kit is also questionable if you’re not paid to wear it. If you must fly the colors of Pro teams, all garments should match perfectly, i.e no Mapei jersey with Kelme shorts and Telekom socks.
Rule #18 // No road jerseys or Lycra bibs when riding off-road. Cyclocross is a middle-ground. Best to wear cross-specific kit: skin suits only. No exceptions.
Rule #19 // No mountain jerseys or baggies when riding on the road. Cyclocross is a middle-ground. Best to wear cross-specific kit: skin suits only. No exceptions.
Rule #20 // There are only three remedies for pain. These are: If your quads start to burn, shift forward to use your hamstrings and calves, or If your calves or hamstrings start to burn, shift back to use your quads, or If you feel wimpy and weak, meditate on Rule #5 and train more!
Rule #21 // Cold weather gear is for cold weather. Knickers, vests, arm warmers, shoe covers, and caps beneath your helmet can all make you look like a hardman, when the weather warrants their use.
Rule #22 // Cycling caps are for cycling. Cycling caps can be worn under helmets, but never when not riding, no matter how hip you think you look. This will render one a douche, and should result in public berating or beating. The only time it is acceptable to wear a cycling cap is while directly engaged in cycling activities and while clad in cycling kit. This includes activities taking place prior to and immediately after the ride such as machine tuning and tire pumping. Also included are cafe appearances for pre-ride espressi and post-ride pub appearances for body-refueling ales (provided said pub has sunny, outdoor patio – do not stray inside a pub wearing kit or risk being ceremoniously beaten by leather-clad biker chicks). Under these conditions, having your cap skull-side tipped jauntily at a rakish angle is, one might say, de rigueur. All good things must be taken in measure, however, and as such it is critical that we let sanity and good taste prevail: as long as the first sip of the relevant caffeine or hop-based beverage is taken whilst beads of sweat, snow, or rain are still evident on one’s brow then it is legitimate for the cap to be worn. However, once all that remains in the cranial furrows is salt, it is then time to shower, throw on some suitable après-ride attire (a woollen Molteni Arcore training top circa ’73 comes to mind) and return to the bar, folded copy of pastel-coloured news publication in hand, ready for formal fluid replacement. It is also helpful if you are a Giant of the Road, as demonstrated here, rather than a giant douchebag. 5
Rule #23 // Shoe covers are for cold or wet. If it’s not cold or wet and you are still wearing shoe covers it’s because you’re a pussy.
Rule #24 // Speeds and distances shall be referred to and measured in kilometers. This includes while discussing cycling in the workplace with your non-cycling coworkers, serving to further mystify our sport in the web of their Neanderthalic cognitive capabilities. As the confused expression spreads across their unibrowed faces, casually mention your shaved legs. All of cycling’s monuments are measured in the metric system and as such the English system is forbidden.
Rule #25 // The bikes on top of your car should be worth more than the car. Or at least be relatively more expensive. Basically, if you’re putting your Huffy on your Rolls, you’re in trouble, mister. Remember what Sean said.
Rule #26 // Make your bike photogenic. When photographing your bike, gussy her up properly for the camera. Valve stems at 6 o’clock. Cranks around the 30 degree mark. Not 90 or 180. Chain on the big dog. No bidons in the cages.
Rule #27 // Shorts and socks should be like Golidlocks. Not too long and not too short. (Disclaimer: despite Sean Yates’ horrible choice in shorts length, he is a quintessential hard man of cycling and is deeply admired by the Velominati. Whereas Armstrong’s short and sock lengths are just plain wrong.) No socks is a no-no, as are those ankle-length ones that should only be worn by female tennis players.
Rule #28 // Socks can be any damn colour you like. White is old school cool. Black is cool too, but were given a bad image by a Texan whose were too long. If you fell you must go colored, make sure they damn well match your kit. Tip: DeFeet Wool-E-Ators rule.
Rule #29 // No European Posterior Man-Satchels. Saddle bags have no place on a road bike, and are only acceptable on mountain bikes in extreme cases.
Rule #30 // No frame-mounted pumps. Either Co2 cannisters or mini-pumps should be carried in jersey pockets (See Rule #31). The only exception to this rule is to mount a Silca brand frame pump in the rear triangle of the frame, with the rear wheel skewer as the pump mount nob, as demonstrated by members of the 7-Eleven and Ariostea pro cycling teams. As such, a frame pump mounted upside-down and along the left (skewer lever side) seat stay is both old skool and euro and thus acceptable. We restate at this time that said pump may under no circumstances be a Zefal and must be made by Silca. Said Silca pump must be fitted with a Campagnolo head. It is acceptable to gaffer-tape a mini-pump to your frame when no C02 cannisters are available and your pockets are full of spare kit and energy gels. However, the rider should expect to be stopped and questioned and may be required to empty pockets to prove there is no room in them for the pump.
Rule #31 // Spare tubes, multi-tools and repair kits should be stored in jersey pockets. If absolutely necessary, in a converted bidon in a cage on bike. Or, use one of these.
Rule #32 // Humps are for camels: no hydration packs. Hydration packs are never to be seen on a road rider’s body. No argument will be entered into on this. For MTB, they are cool.
Rule #33 // Shave your guns. Legs are to be carefully shaved at all times. If, for some reason, your legs are to be left hairy, make sure you can dish out plenty of hurt to shaved riders, or be considered a hippie douche on your way to a Critical Mass. Whether you use a straight razor or a Bowie knife, use Baxter to keep them smooth.
Rule #34 // Mountain bike shoes and pedals have their place. On a mountain bike.
Rule #35 // No visors on the road. Road helmets can be worn on mountain bikes, but never the other way around. If you want shade, see Rule #22.
Rule #36 // Eyewear shall be cycling specific. No Aviator shades, blueblockers, or clip-on covers for eye glasses. Rule #37 // The arms of the eyewear shall always be placed over the helmet straps. No exceptions. This is for various reasons that may or may not matter; it’s just the way it is. Rule #38 // Don’t Play Leap Frog. Train Properly: if you get passed by someone, it is nothing personal, just accept that on the day/effort/ride they were stronger than you. If you can’t deal, work harder. But don’t go playing leap frog to get in front only to be taken over again (multiple times) because you can’t keep up the pace. Especially don’t do this just because the person overtaking you is a woman. Seriously. Get over it.
Rule #39 // Never ride without your eyewear. You should not make a habit of riding without eyewear, although approved extenuating circumstances include fog, overheating, and lighting condition. When not worn over the eyes, they should be neatly tucked into the vents of your helmet. If they don’t fit, buy a new helmet. In the meantime you can wear them backwards on the back of your head or carefully tuck them into your jersey pocket, making sure not to scratch them on your tools (see item 31).
Rule #40 // Tires are to be mounted with the label centered directly over the valve stem. Pro mechanics do it because it makes it easier to find the valve. You do this because that’s the way pro mechanics do it. This will save you precious seconds while your fat ass sits on the roadside fumbling with your CO2 after a flat. It also looks better for photo opportunities. Note: This obviously only applies to clinchers as tubulars don’t give you a choice.
Rule #41 // Quick-release levers are to be carefully positioned. Quick release angle on the front skewer shall be an upward angle which tightens just aft of the fork and the rear quick release shall tighten at an angle that bisects angle between the seat and chain stays. It is acceptable, however, to have the rear quick release tighten upward, just aft of the seat stay, when the construction of the frame or its dropouts will not allow the preferred positioning. For Time Trial bikes only, quick releases may be in the horizontal position facing towards the rear of the bike. This is for maximum aero effect.
Rule #42 // A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run. If it’s preceded with a swim and/or followed by a run, it is not called a bike race, it is called duathlon or a triathlon. Neither of which is a bike race. Also keep in mind that one should only swim in order to prevent drowning, and should only run if being chased. And even then, one should only run fast enough to prevent capture.
Rule #43 // Don’t be a jackass. But if you absolutely must be a jackass, be a funny jackass. Always remember, we’re all brothers and sisters on the road.
Rule #44 // Position matters. In order to find The V-Locus, a rider’s handlebars on their road bike must always be lower than their saddle. The only exception to this is if you’re revolutionizing the sport, in which case you must also be prepared to break the World Hour Record. The minimum allowable tolerance is 4cm; there is no maximum, but people may berate you if they feel you have them too low.
Rule #45 // Slam your stem. A maximum stack height of 2cm is allowed below the stem and a single 5mm spacer must always – always – be stacked above. A “slammed down” stack height is preferable; meaning that the stem is positioned directly on the top race of the headset.
Rule #46 // Keep your bars level. Handlebars will be mounted parallel to the ground or angled slightly upward. While they may never be pointed down at all, they may be angled up slightly; allowed handlebar tilt is to be between 180 and 175 degrees with respect to the level road. The brake levers will preferably be mounted such that the end of the brake lever is even with the bottom of the bar. Modern bars, however, dictate that this may not always be possible, so tolerances are permitted within reason. Brake hoods should not approach anything near 45 degrees, as some riders with poor taste have been insisting on doing.
Rule #47 // Drink Tripels, don’t ride triples. Cycling and beer are so intertwined we may never understand the full relationship. Beer is a recovery drink, an elixir for post-ride trash talking and a just plain excellent thing to pour down the neck. We train to drink so don’t fool around. Drink quality beer from real breweries. If it is brewed with rice instead of malted barley or requires a lime, you are off the path. Know your bittering units like you know your gear length. Life is short, don’t waste it on piss beer.
Rule #48 // Keep your saddle level. The seating area of a saddle is to be visually level, with the base measurement made using a spirit level. Based on subtleties of saddle design and requirements of comfort, the saddle may then be pitched slightly forward or backward to reach a position that offers stability, power, and comfort. If the tilt of the saddle exceeds two degrees, you need to go get one of those saddles with springs and a thick gel pad because you are obviously a big pussy.
Rule #49 // Slide your saddle back. The midpoint of the saddle as measured from tip to tail shall fall well behind and may not be positioned forward of the line made by extending the seat tube through the top of the saddle. (Also see Rule #44 and Rule #48.)
Rule #50 // Facial hair is to be carefully regulated. No full beards, no moustaches. Goatees are permitted only if your name starts with “Marco” and ends with “Pantani”, or if your head is intentionally or unintentionally bald. One may never shave on the morning of an important race, as it saps your virility, and you need that to kick ass.
Rule #51 // Livestrong wristbands are cockrings for your arms. While we hate cancer, isn’t it better to just donate some money and not have to advertise the fact for the next five years? You may as well get “tryhard wanker” tattooed on your forehead. Or you may well be a bogan.
Rule #52 // Padding or body armor of any kind is not allowed. If you find you need it, try pointing your bike up the hill for a change.
Rule #53 // Keep your kit clean and new. As a courtesy to those around you, your kit should always be freshly laundered, and, under no circumstances should the crackal region of your shorts be worn out or see-through.
Rule #54 // No aerobars on road bikes. Aerobars or other clip-on attachments are under no circumstances to be employed on your road bike. The only exception to this is if you are competing in a mountain timetrail.
Rule #55 // Earn your turns. If you are riding down a mountain, you must first have ridden up the mountain. It is forbidden to employ powered transportation simply for the cheap thrill of descending. The only exception to this is if you are doing intervals on Alpe d’Huez or the Plan de Corones and you park your car up top before doing 20 repeats of the climb.
Rule #56 // Espresso or macchiato only. When wearing cycling kit and enjoying a pre or post ride coffee, it is only appropriate to drink espresso or macchiato. If the word soy/skim latte is heard to be used by a member wearing cycling apparel, then that person must be ceremonially beaten with Co2 canisters or mini pumps by others within the community.
Rule #57 // No stickers. Nobody gives a shit what causes you support, what war you’re against, what gear you buy, or what year you rode RAGBRAI. See Rule #5 and ride your bike. Decals, on the other hand, are not only permissible, but extremely Pro.
Rule #58 // Support your local bike shop. Never buy bikes, parts or accessories online. Going into your local shop, asking myriad inane questions, tying up the staff’s time, then going online to buy is akin to sleeping with your best friend’s wife, then having a beer with him after. Online is evil and will be the death of the bike shop. If you do purchase parts online, be prepared to mount and maintain them yourself. If you enter a shop with parts you have bought online and expect them to fit them, be prepared to be told to see your online seller for fitting and warranty help.
Rule #59 // Hold your line. Ride predictably, and don’t make sudden movements. And, under no circumstances, are you to deviate from your line. Rule #60 // Ditch the washer-nut and valve-stem cap. You are not, under any circumstances, to employ the use of the washer-nut and valve-stem cap that come with your inner-tubes or tubulars. They are only supplied to meet shipping regulations. They are useless when it comes to tubes and tires.
Rule #61 // Like your guns, saddles should be smooth and hard. Under no circumstances may your saddle have more than 3mm of padding. Special allowances will be made for stage racing when physical pain caused by subcutaneous cysts and the like (“saddle sores”) are present. Under those conditions, up to 5mm of padding will be allowed – it should be noted that this exception is only temporary until the condition has passed or been excised. A hardman would not change their saddle at all but instead cut a hole in it to relieve pressure on the delicate area. It is noted that if Rule #48 and/or Rule #5 is observed then any “padding” is superfluous.7
Rule #62 // You shall not ride with earphones. Cycling is about getting outside and into the elements and you don’t need to be listening to Queen or Slayer in order to experience that. Immerse yourself in the rhythm and pain, not in whatever 80′s hair band you call “music”. See Rule #5 and ride your bike.8
Rule #63 // Point in the direction you’re turning. Signal a left turn by pointing your left arm to the left. To signal a right turn, simply point with your right arm to the right. This one is, presumably, mostly for Americans: that right-turn signal that Americans are taught to make with your left arm elbow-out and your forearm pointing upwards was developed for motor-vehicles prior to the invention of the electric turn signal since it was rather difficult to reach from the driver-side all the way out the passenger-side window to signal a right turn. On a bicycle, however, we don’t have this limitation and it is actually quite easy to point your right arm in the direction you are turning. The American right-turn signal just makes you look like you’re waving “hello” to traffic.
Rule #64 // Cornering confidence increases with time and experience. This pattern continues until it falls sharply and suddenly.
Rule #65 // Maintain and respect your machine. Bicycles must adhere to the Principle of Silence and as such must be meticulously maintained. It must be cherished, and when leaning it against a wall, must be leaned carefully such that only the bars, saddle, or tires come in contact with the wall or post. This is true even when dismounting prior to collapsing after the World Championship Time Trial. No squeaks, creaks, or chain noise allowed. Only the soothing hum of your tires upon the tarmac and the rhythm of your breathing may be audible when riding. When riding the Pave, the sound of chain slap is acceptable. The Principle of Silence can be extended to say that if you are suffering such that your breathing begins to adversely effect the enjoyment of the other riders in the bunch, you are to summarily sit up and allow yourself to be dropped.
Rule #66 // No mirrors. Mirrors are allowed on your (aptly named) Surly Big Dummy or your Surly Long Haul Trucker. Not on your road steed. Not on your Mountain bike. Not on your helmet. If someone familiar with The Rules has sold you such an abomination, return the mirror and demand a refund, plus interest and damages.
Rule #67 // Do your time in the wind. Nobody likes a wheel sucker. You might think you’re playing a smart tactical game by letting everyone else do the work while you sit on, but races (even Town Sign Sprints) are won through cooperation and spending time on the rivet, flogging yourself and taking risks. Riding wheels and jumping past at the end is one thing and one thing only: poor sportsmanship.
Rule #68 // Rides are to be measured by quality, not quantity. Rides are to be measured by the quality of their distance and never by distance alone. For climbing rides, distances should be referred to by the amount of vertical covered; flat and rolling rides should be referred to by their distance and average speed. For example, declaring “We rode 4km” would assert that 4000m were covered during the ride, with the distance being irrelevant. Conversely, a flat ride of 150km at 23kmh is not something that should be discussed in an open forum and Rule #5 must be reviewed at once.
Rule #69 // Cycling shoes and bicycles are made for riding. Any walking conducted while wearing cycling shoes must be strictly limited. When taking a slash or filling bidons during a 200km ride (at 38kmh, see Rule #68) one is to carefully stow one’s bicycle at the nearest point navigable by bike and walk the remaining distance. It is strictly prohibited that under any circumstances a cyclist should walk up a steep incline, with the obvious exception being when said incline is blocked by riders who crashed because you are on the Koppenberg. For clarification, see Rule #5.7
Rule #70 // The purpose of competing is to win. End of. Any reference to not achieving this should be referred immediately to Rule #5.
Rule #71 // Train Properly. Know how to train properly and stick to your training plan. Ignore other cyclists with whom you are not intentionally riding. The time for being competitive is not during your training rides, but during competition.
Rule #72 // Legs speak louder than words. Unless you routinely demonstrate your riding superiority and the smoothness of your Stroke, refrain from discussing your power meter, heartrate, or any other riding data. Also see Rule #74. Rule #73 // Gear and brake cables should be cut to optimum length. Cables should create a perfect arc around the headtube and, whenever possible, cross under the downtube. Right shifter cable should go to the left cable stop and vice versa.
Rule #74 // V Meters or small computers only. Forgo the data and ride on feel; little compares to the pleasure of riding as hard as your mind will allow. If you are not a Pro or aspire to be one, then you don’t need a SRM or PowerTap. To paraphrase BSNYC, an amateur cyclist using a power meter is like hiring an accountant to tell you how poor you are. As for Garmins, how often do you get lost on a ride? They are bulky, ugly and superflous. Cycle computers should be simple, small and mounted on the stem. And preferably wireless.
Rule #75 // Race numbers are for races. Remove it from your frame before the next training ride because no matter how cool you think it looks, it does not look cool. Unless you are in a race. In which case it looks cool.
Rule #76 // Helmets are to be hung from your stem. When not worn, helmets are to be clipped to the stem and draped over your handlebars thusly.
Rule #77 // Respect the earth; don’t litter. Cycling is not an excuse to litter. Do not throw your empty gel packets, energy bar wrappers or punctured tubes on the road or in the bush. Stuff em in your jersey pockets, and repair that tube when you get home.
Rule #78 // Remove unnecessary gear. When racing in a criterium of 60 minutes or less the second (unused) water bottle cage must be removed in order to preserve the aesthetic of the racing machine.
Rule #79 // Fight for your town lines. Town lines must be contested or at least faked if you’re not in to it or too shagged to do anything but pedal the bike.
Rule #80 // Always be Casually Deliberate. Waiting for others pre-ride or at the start line pre-race, you must be tranquilo, resting on your top tube thusly. This may be extended to any time one is aboard the bike, but not riding it, such as at stop lights.
Rule #81 // Don’t talk it up. Crashes may only be discussed and recounted when the rider or spectator has ended up requiring hospitalization. Otherwise revert to Rule #5.
Rule #82 // Close the gap. Whilst riding in cold and/or Rule #9 conditions replete with arm warmers, under no circumstances is there to be any exposed skin between the hems of your kit and the hems of your arm. If this occurs, you either need to wear a kit that fits you properly or increase the size of your guns. Arm warmers may, however, be shoved to the wrists in Five and Dime scenarios, particularly those involving Rule #9 conditions. The No-Gap Principle also applies to knee and leg warmers with the variation that these are under no circumstances to be scrunched down around the ankles; Merckx have mercy on whomever is caught in such a sorry, sorry state. It is important to note that while one can wear arm warmers without wearing knee or leg warmers, one cannot wear knee or leg warmers without wearing arm warmers (or a long sleeve jersey). It is completely inappropriate to have uncovered arms, while covering the knees, with the exception of brief periods of time when the arm warmers may be shoved to the wrists while going uphill in a Five and Dime situation. If the weather changes and one must remove a layer, the knee/leg coverings must go before the arm coverings. If that means that said rider must take off his knee or leg warmers while racing, then this is a skill he must be accomplished in. The single exception would be before an event in which someone plans on wearing neither arm or leg warmers while racing, but would like to keep the legs warm before the event starts; though wearing a long sleeve jersey over the racing kit at this time is also advised. One must not forget to remove said leg warmers.
Rule #83 // Be self-sufficient. Unless you are followed by a team car, you will repair your own punctures. You will do so expediently, employing your own skills, using your own equipment, and without complaining that your expensive tyres are too tight for your puny thumbs to fit over your expensive rim. The fate of a rider who has failed to equip himself pursuant to Rule #31, or who knows not how to use said equipment, shall be determined at the discretion of any accompanying or approaching rider in accordance with Rule #84.
Rule #84 // Follow the Code. Consistently with The Code Of The Domestique, the announcement of a flat tyre in a training ride entitles – but does not oblige – all riders then present in the bunch to cease riding without fear of being labelled Pussies. All stopped riders are thereupon entitled – but not obliged – to lend assistance, instruction and/or stringent criticism of the tyre mender’s technique. The duration of a Rule #84 stop is entirely discretionary, but is generally inversely proportional to the duration of the remaining time available for post-ride espresso.
Rule #85 // Descend like a Pro. All descents shall be undertaken at speeds commonly regarded as “ludicrous” or “insane” by those less talented. In addition all corners will be traversed in an outside-inside-outside trajectory, with the outer leg extended and the inner leg canted appropriately (but not too far as to replicate a motorcycle racer, for you are not one), to assist in balance and creation of an appealing aesthetic. Brakes are generally not to be employed, but if absolutely necessary, only just prior to the corner. Also see Rule #64.18
Rule #86 // Don’t half-wheel. Never half-wheel your riding partners; it’s terrible form – it is always the other guy who sets the pace. Unless, of course, you are on the rivet, in which case it’s an excellent intimidation technique.
Rule #87 // The Ride Starts on Time. No exceptions. The upside of always leaving on time is considerable. Others will be late exactly once. You signal that the sanctity of this ride, like all rides, is not something with which you should muck. You demonstrate, not with words but with actions, your commitment. As a bonus, you make more time for post-ride espresso. “On Time”, of course, is taken to mean at V past the hour or half hour.
Rule #88 // Don’t surge. When rolling onto the front to take your turn in the wind, see Rule #67, do not suddenly lift the pace unless trying to establish a break. The key to maintaining a high average speed is to work with your companions and allow no gaps to form in the line. It is permissible to lift the pace gradually and if this results in people being dropped then they have been ridden off your wheel and are of no use to the bunch anyway. If you are behind someone who jumps on the pedals when they hit the front do not reprimand the offender with cries of ‘Don’t Surge’ unless the offender is a Frenchman named Serge.
Rule #89 // Pronounce it Correctly. All races shall be referred to by the name given in its country of origin, and care shall be taken to pronounce the name as well as possible. For Belgian Races, it is preferable to choose the name given in its region of origin, though it is at the speaker’s discretion to use either the Flemish or Wallonian pronunciation. This principle shall also be extended to apply to riders’ names, bicycle and component marquees, and cycling accoutrements.
Rule #90 // Never Get Out of the Big Ring. If it gets steeper, just push harder on the pedals. When pressed on the matter, the Apostle Johan Museeuw simply replied, “Yes, why would you slow down?”
Rule #91 // No Food On Training Rides Under Four Hours. This one also comes from the Apostle, Johan Museeuw, who said to @frank: “Yes, no food on rides under four hours. You need to lose some weight.” Or, as Fignon put it, sometimes, when we train, we simply have to go out to meet the Man with the Hammer. The exception is, of course, hard rides over two hours and races. Also, if you’re planning on being out for more than four hours, start eating before you get hungry. This aslo applies to energy drink supplements. Post
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Why Am I So Dumb?
After Ironman Mont Tremblant, I was itching to do another race as that was the only race I did in 2012. I thought about doing Muksoka 70.3 but I was still tired from Ironman. Others suggested to do a half marathon. Nice and easy. I chose to run the Scotia Bank Half Marathon in mid October and the Angus Glen Half Marathon in the first week of November. Piece of cake, after all, I am an Ironman.
For about 15 years, I've been wearing orthotics. My body is not built to run. I have flat feet and bow legged. I have numerous running injuries each year. The orthotics offer my body control and stability. Lately, there has been the movement in running circles of barefoot running. I cringe at that thought and would never dream of running barefoot. However, along the same vein, a local running store has convinced my brother that he should run without orthotics and many of his numerous running injuries are caused by orthotics. He has had some success but his mileage is not that far, but like a dumb ass I figured if he could run without them, so could I. After all, I am an Ironman and he's not.
I started training for the half marathons and ditched the orthotics. My long runs started around 10 km and got up to 20 km. On my second last long run, I started getting pain in my right calf. It would start slowly as a dull ache and then get worse. Usually at that point, I'd be the furthest point away from home (ie 10 km). I had a long walk/shuffle home. I took it easy and cut back the mileage but decided to bail from the Scotia Bank Half and aim for the Angus Glen. No dice. The pain didn't go away and if anything, it started hurting sooner. I bailed from the Angus Glen Half as well.
At that point, work got extremely busy and training dropped to two Master swims per week and the odd long bike outside but no running. In fact, I went about five weeks without running. After meeting with Derek on Friday, I did a short run with no problem but Monday I felt the familiar pain so I walked home (again I was the furthest point away from home). Yesterday I went to my sports doctor and he confirmed that I had a calf tear. A small one that was only 0.5 centimeters (less than a 1/4 of an inch) but it would take 5-6 weeks to heal fully. Beautiful. And he said it given my body, it was probably caused by running with out orthotics. He figured it would take years for my body to build enough strength to run without them.
Why am I so dumb?
For about 15 years, I've been wearing orthotics. My body is not built to run. I have flat feet and bow legged. I have numerous running injuries each year. The orthotics offer my body control and stability. Lately, there has been the movement in running circles of barefoot running. I cringe at that thought and would never dream of running barefoot. However, along the same vein, a local running store has convinced my brother that he should run without orthotics and many of his numerous running injuries are caused by orthotics. He has had some success but his mileage is not that far, but like a dumb ass I figured if he could run without them, so could I. After all, I am an Ironman and he's not.
I started training for the half marathons and ditched the orthotics. My long runs started around 10 km and got up to 20 km. On my second last long run, I started getting pain in my right calf. It would start slowly as a dull ache and then get worse. Usually at that point, I'd be the furthest point away from home (ie 10 km). I had a long walk/shuffle home. I took it easy and cut back the mileage but decided to bail from the Scotia Bank Half and aim for the Angus Glen. No dice. The pain didn't go away and if anything, it started hurting sooner. I bailed from the Angus Glen Half as well.
At that point, work got extremely busy and training dropped to two Master swims per week and the odd long bike outside but no running. In fact, I went about five weeks without running. After meeting with Derek on Friday, I did a short run with no problem but Monday I felt the familiar pain so I walked home (again I was the furthest point away from home). Yesterday I went to my sports doctor and he confirmed that I had a calf tear. A small one that was only 0.5 centimeters (less than a 1/4 of an inch) but it would take 5-6 weeks to heal fully. Beautiful. And he said it given my body, it was probably caused by running with out orthotics. He figured it would take years for my body to build enough strength to run without them.
Why am I so dumb?
Monday, December 3, 2012
Laziness
Pretty much sums up how I feel. I'm now 10 pounds above race weight. I was doing pretty good holding at 175 but two bad weeks of dieting, or there lack of, combined with a crushing workload with minimal training had me gain five pounds in two weeks.
Last week, I took my rear wheel to a LBS and paid them $10 to install my trainer tire on. It took the mechanic about three minutes while I gave up after 45 minutes. Best $10 I ever spent.
On Friday, I met up with Derek V who is a strength and training coach at a local high school. He showed me around the pretty new school. Needless to say, it had better gyms than my university. Notice the plural on gyms. There were three gyms. This is a high school. My main reason for meeting up with Derek is his profession. A strength and training coach. I haven't run in over five weeks. My calf injury has sidelined me and I've been too busy to go to the doctors. I truly believe I'd be a better athlete if I did more (some) strength training. Derek offered to build a simple workout that would high light areas of my weakness. We talked about my calf injury and he'd figured I would be good to run.
On Saturday, I did a short 5.5 km run. It felt good although I felt winded and out of shape. I also did 30 minutes of strength and core.
On Sunday, despite the balmy temperatures, I rode inside following a Sufferfest Video. And suffer I did. Oh boy are they ever tough. I burned 1,000 calories. I gained a pound the next day.
On Monday, I ran again but got about half way when I could start to feel the familiar pain in my calf. I walked home.
Tomorrow I'm going to the sports doctor
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Update Microsoft Explorer
Yaaayyy!!! Work finally updated Microsoft Explorer and I can actually use/read Blogger.
Not much going on. Work has been crushing. I'm so thankful I'm not training for anything like IMCOZ, IMFL or IMAZ. It would be impossible
Two weeks ago I went riding with Mike. It was so mild out that I rode in shorts. Last Sunday the temperature dropped to normal (2 degrees) when I left around 8:00 am. The rodes were dry and fine in the sun but as I made a left hand turn, the road was in the shade and I thought to myself "I wonder if I should be taking this turn slower" and my rear tire slid out and I went down with a thud. My head bounced off the pavement and I laid there for a second stunned. I got up and surveyed the damage. Not much except my pride but I think I warped my rear tire. Great. Time to start riding the road bike
Two swims, one or two bike, one strength training and no runs per week. I've still been way too busy to even go to the doctors to get a referral for an ultrasound. At least my calf is healing, hopefully.
Back to work. Don't feel bad if I haven't been reading your blog
Not much going on. Work has been crushing. I'm so thankful I'm not training for anything like IMCOZ, IMFL or IMAZ. It would be impossible
Two weeks ago I went riding with Mike. It was so mild out that I rode in shorts. Last Sunday the temperature dropped to normal (2 degrees) when I left around 8:00 am. The rodes were dry and fine in the sun but as I made a left hand turn, the road was in the shade and I thought to myself "I wonder if I should be taking this turn slower" and my rear tire slid out and I went down with a thud. My head bounced off the pavement and I laid there for a second stunned. I got up and surveyed the damage. Not much except my pride but I think I warped my rear tire. Great. Time to start riding the road bike
Two swims, one or two bike, one strength training and no runs per week. I've still been way too busy to even go to the doctors to get a referral for an ultrasound. At least my calf is healing, hopefully.
Back to work. Don't feel bad if I haven't been reading your blog
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Update
Training wise, not much is going on. Work has been super busy, in fact I've worked three Saturdays in a row plus the odd meeting at night. This has an effect on training. Right now I'm only swimming twice a week with Masters and riding once or twice a week. On Sunday, it was so warm, I actually rode in shorts and bike shirt. Outstanding, but sadly it didn't last.
Also there's been no running as I bailed from the Scotia Bank Toronto Half Marathon in October and Angus Glen Half Marathon in early November as I've seemed to hurt my calf. I would be running and my right calf would start hurting, usually when I was the furthest point away from home (once 10 km away). It was a long walk/shuffle home. I went and got it treated by Kevin (chiro) and he suspected a calf tear but I've been too busy even to make a doctor's appointment to get a referral for an ultra sound.
Weight-wise I'm seemed to be holding my own. I'm only five pounds about race weight at Mont-Tremblant so that's good news but I can feel myself getting fatter.
That's all I got
Also there's been no running as I bailed from the Scotia Bank Toronto Half Marathon in October and Angus Glen Half Marathon in early November as I've seemed to hurt my calf. I would be running and my right calf would start hurting, usually when I was the furthest point away from home (once 10 km away). It was a long walk/shuffle home. I went and got it treated by Kevin (chiro) and he suspected a calf tear but I've been too busy even to make a doctor's appointment to get a referral for an ultra sound.
Weight-wise I'm seemed to be holding my own. I'm only five pounds about race weight at Mont-Tremblant so that's good news but I can feel myself getting fatter.
That's all I got
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
How Not To Avoid A School Bus
CLEVELAND - The mother of the driver of the Jeep that was ticketed by Cleveland police Tuesday morning for driving on the sidewalk to avoid stopping for a school bus said her daughter made the move to "give that bus plenty of room."
Toni Hardin was in the passenger seat of the SUV driven by her daughter Shena Hardin, 32, when she said they came upon the bus on East 38th Street between Superior and Payne, which had stopped to pick up a handicapped child.
"The bus, for some reason, takes an inordinate amount of time talking to the parent or whatever everyday, but he takes forever," Hardin said.
"While he's doing all that we're waiting trying to get through. Now this morning, she was late she was trying to get her daughter to school, the reason for going around and going to the side was to give that bus plenty of room."
Hardin said she drives the street every day with her daughter on their way to work, but denied ever having gone on the sidewalk before.
"Today was the first day she did that and that was a bad move today," Hardin said.
But a Cleveland Metropolitan School District bus driver had captured video of the Jeep driving on the sidewalk on another day and contacted police, who were waiting Tuesday morning and pulled Hardin over citing her for not stopping for the school bus.
The mother of the handicapped child the bus had stopped to pick up said this has been going on for a long time.
"No she did it all last school year. I was over there February of last year she did it ever since then," said Lucy Kelley. Nothing was done last year though she added. "No, the bus driver didn't do it last year, but I had a new bus driver this year."
That bus driver, Uriah Herron, is credited by supervisors for his quick thinking to nab the driver on camera.
"We had a very conscientious driver for 30 years. He really cares about his children and he took the extra step that this doesn't happen again," said CMSD Bus Manager Eric Taylor.
Toni Hardin was in the passenger seat of the SUV driven by her daughter Shena Hardin, 32, when she said they came upon the bus on East 38th Street between Superior and Payne, which had stopped to pick up a handicapped child.
"The bus, for some reason, takes an inordinate amount of time talking to the parent or whatever everyday, but he takes forever," Hardin said.
"While he's doing all that we're waiting trying to get through. Now this morning, she was late she was trying to get her daughter to school, the reason for going around and going to the side was to give that bus plenty of room."
Hardin said she drives the street every day with her daughter on their way to work, but denied ever having gone on the sidewalk before.
"Today was the first day she did that and that was a bad move today," Hardin said.
But a Cleveland Metropolitan School District bus driver had captured video of the Jeep driving on the sidewalk on another day and contacted police, who were waiting Tuesday morning and pulled Hardin over citing her for not stopping for the school bus.
The mother of the handicapped child the bus had stopped to pick up said this has been going on for a long time.
"No she did it all last school year. I was over there February of last year she did it ever since then," said Lucy Kelley. Nothing was done last year though she added. "No, the bus driver didn't do it last year, but I had a new bus driver this year."
That bus driver, Uriah Herron, is credited by supervisors for his quick thinking to nab the driver on camera.
"We had a very conscientious driver for 30 years. He really cares about his children and he took the extra step that this doesn't happen again," said CMSD Bus Manager Eric Taylor.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Bill & Hillary: After All These Years ...
Bill and Hillary Clinton are now married 40 years.
When they first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under the
bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 40 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on
the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the best of
her, and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty
beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back
under the bed.
Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to
why. That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner
Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed and
said "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never
looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was
too much, and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the
empty cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an
empty beer can in the
box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened,
but I guess after all those years away from home on the road,
temptation does happen and I guess that a few times is not that bad
considering the years."
They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked
Bill, "Why do you have all that money in the box?"
Bill answered, "Whenever the box filled with empty cans, I cashed
them in."
When they first got married, Bill said, "I am putting a box under the
bed. You must promise never to look in it."
In all their 40 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on
the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the best of
her, and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty
beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back
under the bed.
Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to
why. That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner
Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed and
said "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never
looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was
too much, and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the
empty cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an
empty beer can in the
box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened,
but I guess after all those years away from home on the road,
temptation does happen and I guess that a few times is not that bad
considering the years."
They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked
Bill, "Why do you have all that money in the box?"
Bill answered, "Whenever the box filled with empty cans, I cashed
them in."
Friday, October 26, 2012
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Thursday, October 25, 2012
The Apology Lance Armstrong Will Never Give
By Bruce Arthur, Postmedia NewsOctober 23, 2012
Hello, everybody, and thanks for coming today. I know a lot of you never thought I would do this. Well, I never thought I would do this, either.
My name is Lance Armstrong, and I love cycling. When I was young my anger and desire would overwhelm me when I competed, a blinding rage, and I could barely control it. I had a rough childhood, and cycling was my escape. I was a triathlon champion as a teenager, and I was the world road race champion at 21, and I came to Europe and watched Miguel Indurain pedal away from me like I was a kid. That was the 1994 Tour de France. He kicked my ass.
Then everybody started to kick my ass. EPO came in, and guys were so much stronger, so much faster. I could win one-day races, but I wasn't the greatest climber, and I had to withdraw in three of my first four attempts at the Tour; the other time, I finished 36th. I wanted to be great, so I faced the same decision every other cyclist in the last 15 years faced: you dope, or you get dropped. That was the choice. It's like my former friend Levi Leipheimer put it: this sport breaks your heart, bit by bit.
Well, I don't regret my decision the way those other guys did. I needed to be the best, and you couldn't be the best and be clean in this sport. So I doped. And after I beat cancer I needed cycling more than ever, so I kept going. I doped better than anybody -- I got better information, I got the best doctors, I pushed the envelope even though EPO killed a bunch of pro cyclists in the 1980s and 1990s. There was no other way. I built a machine to take on pro cycling, and I destroyed fields full of guys who were as dirty as I was. I don't apologize for that.
I'm sorry I had to dope to be great, but this problem didn't start with me, and didn't end with me. So while I accept my lifetime ban, I call on the UCI and WADA and the USADA to agree to a one-time truth and reconciliation commission, to allow other riders to tell the truth without fear of repercussions. The sport created us; the sport needs to let us talk about it. That being said, there are some things I'm sorry for.
I'm sorry I ran Christophe Bassons, one of the sport's truly noble men, out of the Tour in 1999 for daring to say that you couldn't reach a top 10 at the Tour without doping. I'm sorry for attacking Frankie and Betsy Andreu for being in the hospital room with me in 1996 when I admitted to the doctors that I had used EPO, testosterone, growth hormone, cortisone and steroids. I'm sorry I sued our former soigneur, Emma O'Reilly, who wouldn't back down from the truth.
I'm sorry I called her a prostitute, and a drunk.
I'm sorry for attacking journalists like David Walsh and Paul Kimmage, who is still being sued by the UCI in what is as unconscionable a lawsuit as even I've ever seen. I'm sorry I told Christian Vande Velde to dope or get dropped from the team, and I'm sorry I allowed David Zabriskie to dope, because he got into cycling to escape his drug-addict father, the way I used it to pedal away from my absent father and my abusive stepfather and the emptiness of Plano, Texas. I'm sorry David broke down and cried the night he agreed to go against everything he believed in.
I'm sorry for sending a text message to Levi Leipheimer's wife Odessa after I found out he was testifying that said, "Run, don't walk." I'm sorry I threatened to blackmail Greg LeMond. I'm sorry for painting Floyd Landis as an unbalanced lunatic, and for telling Tyler Hamilton in an Aspen restaurant that I would make his life a living hell. I'm sorry that the International Cycling Union is so warped that its president, Pat McQuaid, called Landis and Hamilton "scumbags" on Monday. I'm sorry he was following my lead.
I'm sorry I lied so many times, and that I used cancer as a shield, and to make money. I'm sorry I said stuff like, "The people who don't believe in cycling, the cynics, the skeptics, I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry you can't dream big and I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles." I'm sorry I hurt so many people through litigation, by bullying, by using my money and my prominence in cycling and my political connections to destroy their careers.
But all of this was the cover-up, not the crime, and I felt like I needed to do it to protect myself, and to protect what I was trying to do. The rage and desire consumed me again. I'm not sorry about Livestrong, because even if it doesn't fund cancer research it provides hope, because I provide hope.
Some people might say it diverts money away from the science of curing cancer, but I'm not sorry that those yellow bracelets became totems to a lot of people.
It's like a guy named Michael Farber wrote in Sports Illustrated: he had been diagnosed with cancer, and while he was waiting in an oncologist's office another guy took the bracelet off his wrist and handed it to him, and said, "Here." And it gave that man hope, and hope matters. He's in remission.
I'll never apologize for giving people hope.
And this is going to cost me millions, personally, but the rest of my life is about one thing now; about continuing as a symbol of hope for people with cancer. That's why I'm coming clean today, to protect that.
Because goddamnit, yeah, I doped. But I suffered on that bike, did anything I could on that bike, emptied myself on that bike. I pumped my veins full of whatever it took to win, no matter what it did to me, no matter what it cost. Does that sound familiar? Does it sound like anything else to you?
Cycling was a lot like cancer to me. I faced overwhelming odds, and I beat them the only way I could. So I hope there's a way for people to still look at me and feel their hearts lift a little, feel lightened, feel like anything is possible. After everything, that's still important. After everything, that's what I have left.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello, everybody, and thanks for coming today. I know a lot of you never thought I would do this. Well, I never thought I would do this, either.
My name is Lance Armstrong, and I love cycling. When I was young my anger and desire would overwhelm me when I competed, a blinding rage, and I could barely control it. I had a rough childhood, and cycling was my escape. I was a triathlon champion as a teenager, and I was the world road race champion at 21, and I came to Europe and watched Miguel Indurain pedal away from me like I was a kid. That was the 1994 Tour de France. He kicked my ass.
Then everybody started to kick my ass. EPO came in, and guys were so much stronger, so much faster. I could win one-day races, but I wasn't the greatest climber, and I had to withdraw in three of my first four attempts at the Tour; the other time, I finished 36th. I wanted to be great, so I faced the same decision every other cyclist in the last 15 years faced: you dope, or you get dropped. That was the choice. It's like my former friend Levi Leipheimer put it: this sport breaks your heart, bit by bit.
Well, I don't regret my decision the way those other guys did. I needed to be the best, and you couldn't be the best and be clean in this sport. So I doped. And after I beat cancer I needed cycling more than ever, so I kept going. I doped better than anybody -- I got better information, I got the best doctors, I pushed the envelope even though EPO killed a bunch of pro cyclists in the 1980s and 1990s. There was no other way. I built a machine to take on pro cycling, and I destroyed fields full of guys who were as dirty as I was. I don't apologize for that.
I'm sorry I had to dope to be great, but this problem didn't start with me, and didn't end with me. So while I accept my lifetime ban, I call on the UCI and WADA and the USADA to agree to a one-time truth and reconciliation commission, to allow other riders to tell the truth without fear of repercussions. The sport created us; the sport needs to let us talk about it. That being said, there are some things I'm sorry for.
I'm sorry I ran Christophe Bassons, one of the sport's truly noble men, out of the Tour in 1999 for daring to say that you couldn't reach a top 10 at the Tour without doping. I'm sorry for attacking Frankie and Betsy Andreu for being in the hospital room with me in 1996 when I admitted to the doctors that I had used EPO, testosterone, growth hormone, cortisone and steroids. I'm sorry I sued our former soigneur, Emma O'Reilly, who wouldn't back down from the truth.
I'm sorry I called her a prostitute, and a drunk.
I'm sorry for attacking journalists like David Walsh and Paul Kimmage, who is still being sued by the UCI in what is as unconscionable a lawsuit as even I've ever seen. I'm sorry I told Christian Vande Velde to dope or get dropped from the team, and I'm sorry I allowed David Zabriskie to dope, because he got into cycling to escape his drug-addict father, the way I used it to pedal away from my absent father and my abusive stepfather and the emptiness of Plano, Texas. I'm sorry David broke down and cried the night he agreed to go against everything he believed in.
I'm sorry for sending a text message to Levi Leipheimer's wife Odessa after I found out he was testifying that said, "Run, don't walk." I'm sorry I threatened to blackmail Greg LeMond. I'm sorry for painting Floyd Landis as an unbalanced lunatic, and for telling Tyler Hamilton in an Aspen restaurant that I would make his life a living hell. I'm sorry that the International Cycling Union is so warped that its president, Pat McQuaid, called Landis and Hamilton "scumbags" on Monday. I'm sorry he was following my lead.
I'm sorry I lied so many times, and that I used cancer as a shield, and to make money. I'm sorry I said stuff like, "The people who don't believe in cycling, the cynics, the skeptics, I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry you can't dream big and I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles." I'm sorry I hurt so many people through litigation, by bullying, by using my money and my prominence in cycling and my political connections to destroy their careers.
But all of this was the cover-up, not the crime, and I felt like I needed to do it to protect myself, and to protect what I was trying to do. The rage and desire consumed me again. I'm not sorry about Livestrong, because even if it doesn't fund cancer research it provides hope, because I provide hope.
Some people might say it diverts money away from the science of curing cancer, but I'm not sorry that those yellow bracelets became totems to a lot of people.
It's like a guy named Michael Farber wrote in Sports Illustrated: he had been diagnosed with cancer, and while he was waiting in an oncologist's office another guy took the bracelet off his wrist and handed it to him, and said, "Here." And it gave that man hope, and hope matters. He's in remission.
I'll never apologize for giving people hope.
And this is going to cost me millions, personally, but the rest of my life is about one thing now; about continuing as a symbol of hope for people with cancer. That's why I'm coming clean today, to protect that.
Because goddamnit, yeah, I doped. But I suffered on that bike, did anything I could on that bike, emptied myself on that bike. I pumped my veins full of whatever it took to win, no matter what it did to me, no matter what it cost. Does that sound familiar? Does it sound like anything else to you?
Cycling was a lot like cancer to me. I faced overwhelming odds, and I beat them the only way I could. So I hope there's a way for people to still look at me and feel their hearts lift a little, feel lightened, feel like anything is possible. After everything, that's still important. After everything, that's what I have left.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, October 19, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
What To Do With A $15,000 Bike
Martyn Ashton takes the £10k carbon road bike used by Team Sky's Bradley Wiggins & Mark Cavendish for a ride with a difference. With a plan to push the limits of road biking as far as his lycra legs would dare, Martyn looked to get his ultimate ride out of the awesome Pinarello Dogma 2. This bike won the 2012 Tour de France - surely it deserves a Road Bike Party!
Shot in various locations around the UK and featuring music from 'Sound of Guns'. Road Bike Party captures some of the toughest stunts ever pulled on a carbon road bike.
A Film by Robin Kitchin
Produced by Ashton Bikes
Monday, October 8, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Blah!
Not much going on. In fact, the title pretty much sums up how I feel. I'm training 6 days a week but not a lot of hours. At least Masters swimming has started again and this is the earliest I've ever joined them. Usually I wait until Dec or January to join but because my race season ended so early this year, I got bored swimming by myself.
I plan to run a half marathon or two before the end of the year. October 14th is the Scotia Bank Toronto Marathon and then November 2nd is Angus Glen. I'll run at least one of them and maybe both except I've seemed to have hurt my foot (what else is new?).
I stole this video from Training Payne's website so if you have five minutes to waste......
This new blogger sucks as I have trouble posting because of my old brower at work which I can't upgrade
<iframe width="360" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Vo0Cazxj_yc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
I plan to run a half marathon or two before the end of the year. October 14th is the Scotia Bank Toronto Marathon and then November 2nd is Angus Glen. I'll run at least one of them and maybe both except I've seemed to have hurt my foot (what else is new?).
I stole this video from Training Payne's website so if you have five minutes to waste......
This new blogger sucks as I have trouble posting because of my old brower at work which I can't upgrade
<iframe width="360" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Vo0Cazxj_yc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Friday, September 7, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Of Course I Can Do That, I'm An Ironman!
We headed up to a friend's cottage for the Labour Day weekend. I can't believe how fast the summer has gone by. I guess that's what happens when you have your "A" race in mid-August. By the time you recover from it, summer is over.
Last year, Tammy dropped me off about 75 km away and I rode my bike to the cottage. The terrain is a little hilly will lots of rollers but nothing major. This year, I thought I would do the same as it would be my first ride since Mont-Tremblant. Tammy was definitely not happy and questioned if it was a good idea. I was anxious to ride again and figured this would be a nice ride. We stopped at the exact same place and I unloaded my bike and changed. Tammy was still unhappy about the idea of being stuck with the kids for several hours but I figured once they got up to the cottage they could play with my friend's kids and go swimming.
The plan was to ride north and catch a road that ran parallel to Hwy 7 and avoid the heavy cottage traffic. It is a four lane country highway and while legally I could ride on it, there are some parts where the shoulders are non existant and is very busy. The road going north was only a couple of kilometers but I don't remember it being so busy the last time. I cut down the first road running east (wrong road) and rode that for about 6 km before it ended. I was faced with going either north (to the road I was supposed to be on) or going south and trying to find another road that ran south of Hwy 7. I chose to go south. I ended up riding too far south and tacked on another 20 km. About an hour into the ride I reached the small town of Hastings, and was tired. No amount of gels or energy drink could replinsh my energy and to make matters worse, once I turned northbound, I would be riding into a headwind. All of a sudden, this didn't seem such a good idea.
Around 90 minutes into the ride, I gave in and called the cottage for a pick up. They have a land line so I figured that would be
Last year, Tammy dropped me off about 75 km away and I rode my bike to the cottage. The terrain is a little hilly will lots of rollers but nothing major. This year, I thought I would do the same as it would be my first ride since Mont-Tremblant. Tammy was definitely not happy and questioned if it was a good idea. I was anxious to ride again and figured this would be a nice ride. We stopped at the exact same place and I unloaded my bike and changed. Tammy was still unhappy about the idea of being stuck with the kids for several hours but I figured once they got up to the cottage they could play with my friend's kids and go swimming.
The plan was to ride north and catch a road that ran parallel to Hwy 7 and avoid the heavy cottage traffic. It is a four lane country highway and while legally I could ride on it, there are some parts where the shoulders are non existant and is very busy. The road going north was only a couple of kilometers but I don't remember it being so busy the last time. I cut down the first road running east (wrong road) and rode that for about 6 km before it ended. I was faced with going either north (to the road I was supposed to be on) or going south and trying to find another road that ran south of Hwy 7. I chose to go south. I ended up riding too far south and tacked on another 20 km. About an hour into the ride I reached the small town of Hastings, and was tired. No amount of gels or energy drink could replinsh my energy and to make matters worse, once I turned northbound, I would be riding into a headwind. All of a sudden, this didn't seem such a good idea.
Around 90 minutes into the ride, I gave in and called the cottage for a pick up. They have a land line so I figured that would be
Friday, August 31, 2012
IMMT - After Thoughts
You will remain the same person, before, during and after the race.
So the result, no matter how important, will not define you.
So the result, no matter how important, will not define you.
The journey is what matters. ~ Chrissie W
It seems like a life time ago that I was hemming and hawing with Lisa (my training buddy) about which race to do. There was the good old Ironman Lake Placid which both my brothers had done. There were the new Ironman New York and Mont-Tremblant. I've never been to either Lake Placid or New York city and the thought of Tammy having to look after the kids for some 14 hours while I floundered on the course was a concern. The scariest thing about IMMT was the course profile. Everybody was talking about the scary 6 km hill with a 14% grade. Where in the world could you train for those types of hills around Toronto? I've been to Mont-Tremblant a couple of times so I knew it was pretty kid friendly ski resort and every thing looked fairly close to the race itself so last June, Lisa and I pulled the trigger and signed up.
Later in September 2011, I fired my coach after Muskoka 70.3. While I knew I could finish an Ironman with him, I wanted someone who was going to give me feedback and in January 2012, I started working with NRG Performance. Just finishing an Ironman wasn't good enough. I wanted a respectable time and wasn't afraid of doing the work. Overall, I'm very happy I made the switch and would highly recommend working with my coach Fiona Gray at NRG. She gave me the workouts and provided the feedback. I truly believe that I would have not gotten the results if I stayed with my old coach.
The race and venue was incredible. The town of Mont-Tremblant and Province of Quebec did an awesome job and spent a lot of money fixing the infrastructure. After my training camp in June with NRG, I felt a lot more confident as everything was looking great. I fear that it would be almost impossible to top the experience of my first Ironman. One of the best things about IMMT was all the people that I knew up there:
- Lisa (training buddy)
- NRG
- Ajax Pickering Tri Club
- Markham Tri Club
- Friends (Paul and Cathy S, Peter A, Scobie)
- Blog buddies (Adena, Mandy and Doru)
- Old friends from when my brothers raced 10 years ago (Paula, Ed W, Peter F)
I probably knew over 20 people either racing or spectating. Oh yea, and my wife and kids.
Finishing an Ironman isn't that hard despite what you think. In fact, baring any injuries or medical issues, I believe the average person can finish an Ironman. In fact, Sister Madonna just finished Ironman Canada in 16:39 last week. She's an 80 year old nun!!! If you do the workout, you can finish. An interesting observation when I look at my schedule (and what others have told me), your Monday-Friday training schedule doesn't change all that much if you're training for a sprint, Olympic, half Ironman, or full Ironman distance race. For the half and full Ironman, I had extra workouts a couple of days a week. Where the biggest difference comes in is the weekend for your long ride and long run. Saturday rides of 6-7 hours with 30 minute bricks and Sundays with three hour runs (I never did as I was too hurt) is where all the hours add up. I averaged about 15 hours a week and my longest was 21.3 hours. My longest swim was 4 km. My longest bike ride was 183 km (got lost) and my longest run was 20.5 km (I suffered on the second loop of the run at IMMT). It really isn't that hard to finish an Ironman. However, to race an Ironman is a whole different story........
So what's ahead for this year and next year? I toyed with the idea of Muskoka 70.3 on Sept 8th but my first swim back this week told me that wasn't a good idea. I'm still tired and the race would have been a disaster not to mention the expense (after spending several thousands of dollars at Mont-Tremblant and Montreal). I'm thinking about running the Scotia Half Marathon in October but I need to do something. For me, this is the most depressing time of the year as the days get shorter and the weight starts to climb.
For next year, I've already signed up for Mont Tremblant 70.3 in June and will probably race another half Ironman (Rev 3 Cedar Point maybe) and in 2014 a full Ironman. I beat one of my brother's time and I'm looking to beat my other brother's time. I missed his time by five minutes. Hopefully by then, my oldest brother will be interested in joining me after he learns how to swim
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
IMMT - Pictures
Ok, I tried to upload some video but stupid blogger won't upload. Next post, I'll express some thoughts on Ironman in general and Mont Tremblant and of course, my race day
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| Pre Dawn Race Day |
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| Seriously, did I really swim with that dumb t-shirt? |
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| Go Dad Go |
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| Heading Up To Lac Superior On The First Loop |
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| Coming Down Lac Superior On The First Loop |
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| Let Go Of Me. I Really Need To Pee |
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| AHHH That Felt Good |
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| Finish Line Party Around 11 PM |
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| Mike Reilly - Famous Ironman Annoucer |
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| Almost Over |
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| The Finishing Chute |
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| Race Over - Fireworks |
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| My Tax Dollars Going Up In Smoke! |
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Ironman Blues
Stolen from http://www.ironmate.co.uk/
The feeling of something missing in your life – Now time to do something different.
Unusual grumpiness – Tired not fully recovered.
Sadness - Like you have lost a best friend.
Bored -plently of time on your hands
Restlessness – still not ready to resume training.
Sudden mood swings - often as a result of procrastination.
Not Motivated - even to enter a favourite triathlon
The loss of any direction will result in feelings of aimlessness & despondency.
Missing the regular e mails, social support and group sessions that were part of the Ironman training culture.
Depression is a sign you have not fully recovered.
Remedy for post Ironman blues.
It is perfectly normal to feel low after the Ironman.
Avoid setting yourself goals and jumping straight back into training in the first 3 weeks. You will make much better decisions 3 weeks after finishing.
Don’t ignore feelings listen to your mind and body.
Sleep in and do not feel guilty, this is part of your reward.
Enjoy not having a target to aim for.
You are a human being not a machine so you need time to charge up your batteries.
Invest your time in other parts of your life to improve and simplify for lifestyle.
There is more to life than just training, time to catch up on things you have not been doing. Especially the things that you did not do when in training mode. Meet up with friends and family.
Be more creative at work even socialize late into the evening.
Stretch rather than train.
Rest and recover rather than stand up.
Reward yourself with a massage.
Learn to feel guilty by doing the things you abstain from while in ironman training.
Exercise can help with mood swings so do not convince yourself that lots of training will dissolve the Ironman blues.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On other news, Lance Armstrong is banned from cycling for life. If you see him riding, knock him off his bike and yell NO!! to his face
Unusual grumpiness – Tired not fully recovered.
Sadness - Like you have lost a best friend.
Bored -plently of time on your hands
Restlessness – still not ready to resume training.
Sudden mood swings - often as a result of procrastination.
Not Motivated - even to enter a favourite triathlon
The loss of any direction will result in feelings of aimlessness & despondency.
Missing the regular e mails, social support and group sessions that were part of the Ironman training culture.
Depression is a sign you have not fully recovered.
Remedy for post Ironman blues.
It is perfectly normal to feel low after the Ironman.
Avoid setting yourself goals and jumping straight back into training in the first 3 weeks. You will make much better decisions 3 weeks after finishing.
Don’t ignore feelings listen to your mind and body.
Sleep in and do not feel guilty, this is part of your reward.
Enjoy not having a target to aim for.
You are a human being not a machine so you need time to charge up your batteries.
Invest your time in other parts of your life to improve and simplify for lifestyle.
There is more to life than just training, time to catch up on things you have not been doing. Especially the things that you did not do when in training mode. Meet up with friends and family.
Be more creative at work even socialize late into the evening.
Stretch rather than train.
Rest and recover rather than stand up.
Reward yourself with a massage.
Learn to feel guilty by doing the things you abstain from while in ironman training.
Exercise can help with mood swings so do not convince yourself that lots of training will dissolve the Ironman blues.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On other news, Lance Armstrong is banned from cycling for life. If you see him riding, knock him off his bike and yell NO!! to his face
Saturday, August 25, 2012
IMMT - The Run
This picture was sent to me by Derek D who was supposed to race IMMT but life got in the way. This picture was snapped by his dad after Derek yelled at me as I rode by. I remember someone yelling my name so I waved. I've never met Derek but we chatted on the phone once and exchanged emails. While I'm sorry we didn't get to meet, I'm glad to hear he's signed up for IMMT 2013.
They say in a triathlon, the real race begins on the second half of the run. I just wanted it to end. I was quite worried about the run. I was hurt in the months of February, March (bailed from Around The Bay), April, May and half of June. In fact, when I came up for NRG training camp in mid June, I could not run more than 15 minutes so basically I had less than two months to cram for the marathon. My longest run was only two hours for 20.5 km. A far cry from a marathon.
Heading out of transition, past the roaring crowds, I knew I could run the first loop but the second loop was going to be a problem. The plan was to walk the hills and aid stations. How hard could it to be to run from aid station to aid station when they were only 1.6 km (one mile) apart? Very hard. Very very hard.
About one kilometer into the run, I realized I had way too much crap in the pockets of my tri top. I had a 35 mm film canister of salt pills, another one with Tums, Gu gels, three zip lock baggies of eLoad for my water bottle and a small tin can of mints. At the first aid station, I threw out the mints. I wasn't plan on kissing anyone at the finish line anyways. I took the zip lock baggies out my tri top and ran with it in my hand....all for 21 km.
Ok, so at this point, you're probably wondering why I'm running with so much crap:
1. I need to run with a water bottle so I can drink when I need to, not when there is an aid station.
2. I tried Honey Stinger Gels (on course gels) a couple of weeks ago and they were way too sweet so I brought my own
3. I need about 300 calories per hour and there was no way I was going to take in that many gels so the plan was to run with eLoad in my water bottle and refill at the aid stations.
4. In training, I take in a lot of water so I need the salt pills to make sure that it gets absorbed by the body as well as I mixed regular salt pills with caffeinated salt pills. One of my brothers took a nap during IMC because he was so tired.
5. The mints were to "freshen" my breath after taking gels and liquid nutrition all day long. In hindsight, a pack of gum would have been better. It doesn't weigh as much
The first couple of kilometers had some nasty hills that I walked, but once I got going I was ok. We ran through the small town of Lac Moore where five guys standing in front of a pub were cheering us on with the theme song for the Montreal Canadians (hockey team).
Running along Le P’tit Train du Nord, a former railway bed made of crushed small gravel helped the pounding on the body. This part of the trail run is roughly 5.5 km one way so with the turn around it works out to be about 11 km long. The nice thing about it is that you can see runners heading the opposite direction and given all the people I knew it helped distract the mind. Overall the first loop was no problem other than a bloated stomach. I brought Tums in a film canister and was popping a couple of them but I didn't want to take too many considering I've never ate them in a race. I used almost all the salt pills in another film canister (10-12 pills) for the first half. Half way through the run, there was a light rain shower and I commented how glad I was to be off the bike. Coming down Lac Superior or Hwy 117 when the roads were wet would not be fun. Running back through the village of Old Tremblant, the boys were still singing Ole,Ole, Ole (ok, its been about 1.5 hours since I first ran by them). Heading back to the resort, we hit the hills again. The strategy of walking the hills and aid station was working fine. Heading into special needs, I picked up my bag and reloaded but I forgot my little baggies of eLoad. Crap, that meant I'd have to drink Ironman Perform again!! Oh this was going to be trouble has my stomach felt bloated and was getting sick of taking gels. The whole idea of using eLoad was it tasted different and better. Running through the pedestrian village the crowds were roaring. Half way down, there was a Y split. The finishers ran to the left whilelosers, I mean those heading out for their second lap ran to the right. I'd be interested to know what my pace was as I definitely was running a lot faster with everyone cheering but slowed down once I got back on the main road. I was really dreading this part of the run.
Running along the trail wasn't so bad the first time but the second time was going to hurt. My stomach was still bothering me as it felt bloated and I stopped drinking water. I tried to take in more gels but was getting really sick of them. I ran past the bar and the boys were still singing although they weren't standing that straight. Heading onto the trail, it started to get darker and darker as storm clouds gathered again. They had a set of lights strung up about every 500 meters. One light faced one direction while another light faced the opposite direction. That trail would be very dark once the sun set and I didn't want to be on it. Somewhere along the way, I got a small rock in my shoe. I stopped and tried to get it out but was having serious difficulties balancing and putting my foot down on the gravel trail only attracted more gravel to the bottom of my foot. I couldn't bend my leg to brush the gravel off my foot. I ran at least 15 km with a rock in my shoe. It really hurt by the end of the race.
At the aid stations, they started serving warm chicken broth. I don't think I've ever tasted anything so good! It really did the job but I knew I had to take in more Perform as I wasn't taking enough gels. Half way to the turn around point, it started to rain. Steady at first and then harder and harder. The soup tasted even better at every aid station. The strategy of walking the aid station was working but I noticed I was walking longer than the aid station. The simple act of starting to run again was very painful as the rain poured down even more. It was just miserable but I was thankful I was on the second loop coming back from the turn around.
Through out the second loop of the run, I was running with Paul T who was coached by Cathy S. We kept running side by side encouraging each other but at one point, I just couldn't keep up with him and kept walking while he took off. This was the low point as my walking extended and instead of walking the aid stations, I walked to the next aid station. I had my watch set to my running time when I started the marathon and wondered how long I'd been going so I changed the setting and I was around the 11 1/2 hours and I had about 8 km to go. HOLY CRAP!! I might be able to break 13 hours. BANG!! Like a light switch, I clicked on and started to run. I was doing the math in my head as I ran. My stomach was still bloated and gurgling as I forced down the disgusting Perform, but I started to dilute with with water and drank Coke.
Finally I had to stop and use the toilet. Ahhh relief except there was no toilet paper. But there was one used piece on the floor. Oh well. Ya do what ya gotta to do. I caught up to Paul T and Tony M who were walking and said "come on boys lets go. We can make it." With that, all three of us started to run. I still walked the aid stations and hills. Running past the bar, where the BOYS WERE STILL SINGING!!!! (ok I've been running for 4 1/2 hours). These guys were hammered so I high fived them as I ran by.
The running picked up as I got closer to the village. I could hear the announcer and the cheering crowds. One more hill to go! I ran through the hotel parking lot for the special needs pick up bag but stayed to the left. I glanced at the people on the right picking up their special needs bag and felt bad for them as they were only on their first loop. Right before I entered the top of the pedestrian village, I had a stabbing pain in my left hamstring. OH NO!! So close!! I walked for five seconds and then started running again. I had no idea where Paul and Tony were but I didn't want to get passed by them. I started running down the village where the crowds were roaring and came up to the Y junction again but this time I cut left to the finish line. I saw Tammy and the kids with Scobie (bastard - he beat me by almost two hours). I gave a quick kiss to Tammy and just ran to the finish line. I wasn't even sure if they called my name or Mike Reilly called me an Ironman. I simply didn't care. I just wanted to finish.
12:57:15
209/320
1101/1652
The best part about the finish was that my friend Rom caught me at the finish line. I was a mess. Rom had race Ironman New York the previous week and came straight up and volunteered at Mont-Tremblant.
In the next post, I'll have some pictures and my thoughts
Running along Le P’tit Train du Nord, a former railway bed made of crushed small gravel helped the pounding on the body. This part of the trail run is roughly 5.5 km one way so with the turn around it works out to be about 11 km long. The nice thing about it is that you can see runners heading the opposite direction and given all the people I knew it helped distract the mind. Overall the first loop was no problem other than a bloated stomach. I brought Tums in a film canister and was popping a couple of them but I didn't want to take too many considering I've never ate them in a race. I used almost all the salt pills in another film canister (10-12 pills) for the first half. Half way through the run, there was a light rain shower and I commented how glad I was to be off the bike. Coming down Lac Superior or Hwy 117 when the roads were wet would not be fun. Running back through the village of Old Tremblant, the boys were still singing Ole,Ole, Ole (ok, its been about 1.5 hours since I first ran by them). Heading back to the resort, we hit the hills again. The strategy of walking the hills and aid station was working fine. Heading into special needs, I picked up my bag and reloaded but I forgot my little baggies of eLoad. Crap, that meant I'd have to drink Ironman Perform again!! Oh this was going to be trouble has my stomach felt bloated and was getting sick of taking gels. The whole idea of using eLoad was it tasted different and better. Running through the pedestrian village the crowds were roaring. Half way down, there was a Y split. The finishers ran to the left while
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