Best One Liners While Waiting In The Start Chute

Stolen from Slowtwitch

Five days to go.  Maybe I should ride 160 km and run 30 km to see if I'm ready.....



Hurry up, let's go, I gotta pee

Pardon me.. do you have any grey poupon?

All swimmers and former swimmers to the front, triathletes to the back

Dang, it's so crowded today. Is there a race or something?

I've never seen this many people show up for a sprint!

After I learned how to pee during the swim, on the bike, and on the run, I trained really hard to crap on the fly too. Which is good because last nights sushi is killing me. Alright, let's get in the water, this turtle head is about to pop!!"

RD - "All Half Men, 1 minute until your start."
Me - "Hey buddy, don't let the shaved legs fool you, we're all man over here

IMNYC - "Sh*t happens!"

Hey your shoe is united

Is that your cellphone in your pocket?

I'll race you!

Walking out of the ports john before a race starts.
"today must be my lucky day. Someone left a half eaten powerbar right next to the toilet seat. Must be a new flavor, it tasted like steak and peanuts. Let's race"

Me: "Who's fast? ... Seriously, who's fast, get up here." One guy swims up.
Me: "What's your pace?"
Him: "1:40/100"
Me: "Get to the back!!"

Does blaming your fart on your brother count. Or am I the only one amused. I'm laughing right now!

Did anyone else watch shark week?

"I know I should know this, but how far are we swimming?"

See that guy, that's Myron Baker, get a good look because that's the last you are going to see him today!"
(Guy kneeling, waist deep in water.)
-Is this guy praying in the water?
-Not praying. Spraying.

-Weird! Your swim cap has a different color.
-Wait! What?
-He he he, fooled ya.

So what happens if I press THIS on your watch?

Pre-swim announcement: "If you get into trouble please raise one arm in the air. Do not raise both arms as this might be understood as poor technique by the lifeguards."

Guy staring at tri-goddess, hottie as she licks the inside of her googles: "I bet you wish you were the inside of these googles right now."

RD at the start - "And remember to enter T1 from the rear."
"Thanks, just the way I prefer."

"Does this wetsuit make my ass look big?"

Race announcer: "10...9...8...7...6....5...."
Fellow athlete on hearing 5...."Should I have that timing chip with me?"

 Did you hear they found two snake pits in the lake yesterday? Just make sure to take the first turn wide and you should be ok.

"Is this the first timers wave?"

RD: Any questions?
Me: Is it bad when you bleed from your ears?

"You can start ahead of me - you look fast, and I'm lactate intolerant."

"This wetsuit is really uncomfortable."

Said by guy just before the start of Lake Placid Ironman who had his wetsuit on backwards. Yes, the zipper was on the front.

Ok, but please stay to the right on the bike so we have room to pass

Don't keep me waiting for you at the finish chute

So, you a big Katy Perry fan?