Friday Funnies

Its Friday, what do you expect?

I'm Sick....Again

Training has grounded to a halt as the fever, sore throat, chills, hot flashes, running nose, stuffed nose have all returned.  Seriously??  WTF?  I never get sick, let alone twice in one month.

I went to bed last night at 8:15 pm (not sure if the kids were up), woke up at 4:15 am.  Went downstairs and surfed the internet until 7:00 am and then went back to bed until 8:45 am........sleeepppp.  I'd need to get better soon as this is getting annoying as there is only 115 days until IMMT

New York Man's Meticulous Dating Spreadsheet Goes Viral

 

 

A New York man's meticulous dating spreadsheet has gone viral after he sent it to one of the women he was dating.

The Excel spreadsheet chronicles David Merkur's interaction and relationship with each woman he met on Match.com.

The grid is broken down into several categories including Match.com user name, real name, age, profile picture, online appearance ranking, initial notes, contact information, timeline of communication, date status and date comments.

"Mixed bag of pictures, but great bod; works in my building, also in finance; well traveled; lives on LES," Merkur wrote of one of the women. He noted on the chart that he was supposed to go on a date with her on April 3, but she had to cancel due to a work-related event. "Next time TBD."

The column for "initial date status" is color-coded with some of the women's dates in red, meaning "Monitor closely (bold = ASAP)," and others in green, meaning the date is upcoming.

On April 4, Merkur went to New York's Rose Bar with a woman whom he described as, "Very pretty; sweet & down to earth/great personality; hope to see again soon."
During their date, the spreadsheet came up in conversation and the woman asked if he would send it to her. After some hesitation, he did.

Merkur wrote to her in an email:   Well ... this could be a mistake, but what the hell. I thought about deleting the names, but figured I might as will give you the whole thing. I only deleted the non-match people's names (at the bottom) since some I've known for a long time. I hope this e-mail doesn't backfire, because I really had a great time and hope to hang again soon :). However, I will keep my word! Have a great weekend!"

A few days later, the woman forwarded the spreadsheet to her friends as "Monday morning entertainment." She wrote, "I went on a date with this guy last Wednesday. On the date, he tells me that he has a spreadsheet for tracking all of the people from match that are 'in process.' Naturally, I tease him and ask him to send me the spreadsheet. For some strange reason, he actually does."
The email ended, "Just when I thought I had seen it all...."
Merkur did not respond to requests for comment from ABCNews.com.   From there, the spreadsheet went viral. But some of the women are not thrilled with the newfound attention.

The highest score for "online appearance," a 9.5, went to Liliana Beidaut, who Merkur noted "looks beautiful; from coastal Romania; Chanel make-up artist."
"I've gotten a lot of calls from random people saying, 'Oh, you're the 9.5,'" Beidaut told ABCNews.com.

Beidaut, 26, has mixed feelings about the spreadsheet. She holds no resentment for Merkur, whom she is friends with through Facebook and text-chats but has never met in person.

"I think the guy is really nice," Beidaut said. "I never met him and I don't think he did something that bad. He was nice, and he was trying to keep himself organized. I think he took that seriously and was really looking for a girl."

Beidaut has harsher words for the woman who sent around the spreadsheet.
"Why would she send it to the whole world? It was a really stupid move," Beidaut said. "My face is plastered everywhere now. I wasn't looking for that. I just thinking that I was using Match.com."

Beidaut said she is "absolutely" considering taking legal action against the woman that sent the email because she believes her privacy has been violated. She has already spoken to at least one other woman on the list who is similarly upset.

"I think he really liked the girl and he trusted her, so he sent her the thing," she said. "He had some doubt before she sent it out and I think she was spiteful."

 

Attack!

Heading out for my long run rather late this Sunday morning (ie 6:30 am), it was fairly deserted on the roads.  The temperature had dropped and was barely above zero degrees (Celsius).  I ran up Mccowan road and turned west along Major Mackenzie.  The roads were deserted except for the odd car or two.  I ran west bound when I noticed a rather large Canadian Goose on the side of the road.  Around here, there are tons of geese and usually they pay no attention as I run by but this guy was different.  When I was about five meters away, he took off and started to fly right at me.  He buzzed pretty close as he flew by and then turned around in mid flight and began to start a second bombing run.  This time he was coming right at me so I cocked my fist and swung into the empty air as he changed his flight path at the last second.  He landed in the middle of the road and sat down still looking at me.  I'm not sure what his problem was and I didn't hang around to find out if he was still pissed.  I took off running looking back every once in a while to make sure he wasn't chasing me.  The rest of the run was uneventful.  This is the first time I've been attacked by wildlife.

Training is back on schedule and yesterday's workout was a three hour ride and 45 minute run.  NRGPT has arranged for a group ride starting at 8:30 am but the weather turned nasty with a cold, rainy and windy day.  There was no way I was going to ride in the crap so it was a three hour trainer ride.  I had nothing to watch so I dug up some old CSI DVD box sets that I gave to Tammy for various birthdays and Christmas gifts many years ago.  I watched the first three shows of the first series.  It was ok and killed the time.  Yesterday Tammy went to the library and rented the first season of 24 Hours with Keifer Sutherland.  I've never saw one show when it was on TV.  Next week is a four hour bike followed by a run.  The trouble is that the girls have swimming at 9:30 am and Jake has ball hockey at 11 am.  The juggling is about to begin as  I think I'll ride for an hour or two on the trainer and then ride my bike outside for the rest of the ride as its not bright enough at 5 am yet.

The Laziest Scams in Internet History

 

A certain “Sehwan Jung” in South Korea has been sending a number of desperate requests for funds over Twitter: “I am in urgent need of money.Can you lend me 500,000 dollars?I will make it up to you later.” A diabolical plot, indeed, though Mr. Jung’s scam is unlikely to work. For one, people can see everything someone sends on Twitter and quickly realize he’s sent the exact same message over and over. For another, he is tweeting almost exclusively to celebrities, including Channing Tatum, Rosario Dawson, Carly Simon, journalist Nicholas Kristof (who today sarcastically answered, “Sure!”), and the foreign minister of Bahrain, Sheikh Khalid bin Ahmed Al Khalifa.

“Now this one is a real winner,” says Dan Ring, a spokesperson for Boston-based data protection company Sophos. “Sehwan Jung’s list of celebrities is almost as entertaining and as random as his actual request, and it’s one of the more optimistic requests out there. I hope there’s no way someone will fall for this.”

The “Sehwan gambit” joins the following examples as one of the laziest scams in Internet history.

• “JOHN” fails to mention what he even wants to con you out of:
Subject: what are you sale
Greetings,My name is JOHN, i am highly interested in buying your{ what you want to sale } from you ,I will like you to give me the FINAL ASKING price and the lastes condition,also i will like you to scan the pics for me for proper verifycation.

• This scammer doesn’t even attempt to establish a personal connection before offering $18 million:
Beloved,
I am Elizabeth Etters, a Christian.I picked your email randomly for an inheritance of $18M. Please contact me for more details via [redacted].

• One malware attack came in the form of a bogus Christmas card—sent on March 19:
Date: 2010-03-19 09:27:15
“You have just received a Christmas greeting card! To see your custom card and who sent it, please check the attachment.”

• In this excerpt, one “Professor Farnsworth” selects you to survive a man-made black hole:
“… The truth is that this experiment that CERN are conducting is extremely dangerous, and could cause global disaster. This experiment has a 95% of causing a black hole, thus swallowing a large area of the planet. The scientists do not want you to know this as they know it will cause panic. However, I can help you.
I am arranging for a number of selected people to be evacuated to a safe location on an island in the South Pacific via aeroplane. You have been selected from random to take part in this evacuation, thus continuing the survival of the human race …”

• African prince scams are so tired. This reward is allegedly offered by England’s royal family:
250,000.00 Pounds has been awarded to you From the Queen Elizabeth’s Foundation ,send us your:-
Names___
Address___
Tel____
Country__

Back From The Dead

I can't remember when the last time I was that sick.  I was out of it for almost two weeks.  The last build session left me pretty exhausted and I was praying for the recovery week.  Unfortunately, it turned into almost two weeks.  I started feeling lousy and missed Saturday April 7th workout and I missed yesterday's swim workout (April 17) as I woke up and was freezing cold and had the "shake and bake" throughout the night.  Basically freezing cold one minute and then boiling hot ten minutes later.  I even missed two days of work and it would have been more if I had to work on the weekend.  Some days, I couldn't even move and other days, I had a piercing headache or killer sore throat.  Yes this cold at it all. 

Note to self:  Get the damn flu shot next year.  We normally get it but forgot this year and everybody in the family got sick.

This morning I felt almost 100 percent but wondered how much I've "lost" due to inactivity.  Today's bike was a tough 90 minute ride with pyramid drills and then a mini FTP test (2 x 10 minutes) at the end.  I struggled to finish in the last couple of minutes but its good to be back feeling normal (almost).

I'm Sick

Someone shoot me because this is exactly how I feel.  Last week was a recovery week and at Thursday morning swim, I felt a little "off."  This continued throughout the day and I bailed from Thursday night's run.  Friday was a recovery day but I didn't recover.  I ended up skipping Saturday's short brick (90 minutes), Sunday's long run, and Monday's brick.  But by Tuesday, I felt ok so I swam and ran in the afternoon.  Yesterday's 90 minute ride was accomplished but I struggled to hit the numbers.  I felt that cold sick feeling coming on.  Last night, I woke up at 1:30 am and was absolutely freezing cold.  I went downstairs to get some aspirin.  It took a while for it to kick in but today I found out I was taking the kid's aspirin.  Two tablets were good for a 50 pound kid.

There was no way I could go swimming and just felt horrible.  One thing about kids, is that they have learned how to share.  Everything.  Last week, Tammy had a sinus infection and Vanessa was sick.  This week its Rebecca, Jake and I that are sick.  Its been a long time since I've been this sick.  And I realized that we didn't get the flu shot.  Damn!!  I'm not sure if we have the flu but right know running down the driveway would be system overload.

On the good news front, it looks like I'm finally going to get my Polar watch band fixed.  I sent an email regarding feedback to Polar and their poor service.  My watch band has been on the verge of breaking since December (hockey tape is holding it together).  There are only two authorized repair stores in the Toronto area (population 3-4 million or so).  Both are super high end watch dealers (looking for a $10,000 watch?).  I've contacted them several times and they send they are waiting on parts from Montreal head office (four months?).  Someone at Polar forwarded my email to Polar Canada and they promised to fix my watch band in a hurry.  They would email an UPS shipping label and courier the watch to Montreal, fix the watch and then send it back to me the same day.  Perfect timing as I'm sick as a dog.

Now if they would only send me the shipping label.  I've been waiting 24 hours for their email.

The Top 8 Pitfalls To Triathlon Success

From Everyman Tri

I'm guilty of numbers 7, 6, 5, 3, and 1, but other than that I'm looking good.  Well not really.  I've been sick since Thursday and haven't trained once.  Actually it felt weird to sleep in to 6:30 am.  I skipped this morning's workout because it was a 95 minute brick and while I could have completed it, I'm still feeling run down and it probably would have caused more damage than good.  I should be good to go by tomorrow.  I didn't even have that much turkey but did managed to eat lots of the kids' chocolate


The Top 8 pitfalls to triathlon success
Posted: 07 Apr 2012 07:00 AM PDT

“Greatness is never rewarded to the stupid.” This quote was texted to me by a good friend on the heels of a discussion we had about athletes who have a bad race and decide they have to go home and train harder. It got me thinking about all of “stupid” things we do as athletes that hinder our ability to be great, or at least be the best we can be.

8.    Never taking a rest day
Look, I hate taking a zero as much as anyone. However, rest days are imperative for mental and physical restoration. And, sometimes you just need to get other stuff done.

7.    Keeping up with Joneses
Social media has given everyone the opportunity to post their workouts; pros and amateurs bombard Twitter, Facebook and blog sites with intricate tales of miles logged and meters swum. It is very intimidating realizing your competition is training 50 hours a week with a full time job and a family. My advice: cut it all in half and then lop off a few more hours. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. Stick to your own plan.

6.  Training beyond your means
If your goal run pace is a 7 minute mile, should you really be on the track hammering out mile repeats at 5:50? Enough said.

5.  Unrealistic expectations
I would love to run a sub 2:30 marathon. How cool would that be? Alas, even if I was 10 years younger, that is not a pace I am capable of running. Athletes often have expectations that exceed their ability. Before you lambast me on this, let me explain. I am all about setting goals and reaching for the stars; it is, to me, the cornerstone of training and racing. But, we all have our limitations and those need to be recognized.

4.  Doing the same thing and hoping for different results
It is easy to get stuck in a training rut. Long sessions on the weekend. Group rides on certain evenings. Long steady distance. Intervals all the time. Going too hard. Going too easy. Training that worked for you a few years ago may not work anymore. Plateaus happen. Take a close look at how you are training. There are probably ways to change things up that will boost you to the next level.  You can start training with power on the bike. Running different types of intervals – how about 1K repeats instead of mile repeats? Challenge yourself in the pool by swimming in a swim meet.

3.  Ignoring the little things that are really big things
Triathletes are very focused on swim, bike run. Training takes up a lot of time leaving little room for things like strength training, massage, focusing on technique and eating better. I always tell the athletes I coach, it is better to miss a recovery workout and go to the gym to lift than to skip the gym altogether. Swim, bike, run is predicated on having a healthy body and this can only be achieved by doing things that are not necessarily swim, bike, run.

2. Chasing races
You missed your goal in a race so you turn around and sign up for another. You miss your goal in that race so you turn around and sign up for another. And so on. Sometimes a bad race is just a bad race. Most of the time, though, there is a reason. Take a close look at what happened and rectify the problem before rushing into another race.

1.   Training with insecurity
I put this one last because I believe this is the biggest impediment to improvement. Athletes who lack confidence in their training make detrimental mistakes, such as logging too many miles, going too hard, and deviating from their plan. It is the gateway to all of the other things that prevent athletes from success.
I have fallen victim to each and every one of these mistakes in my years of racing. Fortunately, I have spaced them out and not incorporated them into my regime all at once. Thankfully, the passage of time has made me a smarter athlete and less vulnerable to the blunders listed above. I hope.

Editor's Note: Joanna Zeiger is a scientist, triathlon coach, and a 70.3 Ironman World Champion triathlete. You more of her current writing at her most excellent blog Fast at Forty.

Friday Fails

Happy Easter.  I'm sick.

The Rules To Being A Triathlete

Stolen from Slowtwitch



The Rules: 
#1. Not everyone thinks what you do is awesome. Most think you’re a bit nuts, and they’re right. Remember that at your next cocktail party. 

#2. No race jerseys of races you haven’t raced in, especially if the distance is longer than you’ve been. T-shirts are exempt. If you roll up in an Ironman France jersey, be prepared to explain how you handled the Cole de I’Ecre. 


#3. Only refer to courses/segments/people by their nicknames. Highway 19 is unacceptable. It’s called the Queen K, and Crowie owned it. And Macca before him. Don’t let this happen again. Pay ‘N Save Hill. Look it up. 


#4. Training in rough conditions makes you tough. A little rain or heat won’t make you melt, buttercup. 


#5. A reality check should be performed once per year. MIT is not going to test the effectiveness of brick workouts. The rolling resistance “expert” uses a 100 pound sac in his garage for testing. Not all wind tunnels can even record data at the slow speeds we ride. Not everything that glitters is gold. 


#6. Gadgets are strongly encouraged. An old pair of shorts and some Keds are not our gig. You absolutely need every item that is out there. Afterall, we invented aerobars. If we stop with the gadgets, who the hell would cyclists copy? 


#7. Feelings are for Oprah, use your data. If you own a heart rate monitor and/or a powermeter, yet train just by RPE, then you either don’t know how to use it or you’re embarrassed by what it’s telling you. 


#8. If you’ve raced the distance, it counts. If you’ve trained the distance, it doesn’t. Nailing a training day is one thing, nailing a racing day is quite another. Please don’t confuse the two. Ironman/marathon/etc. only counts if you are in there mixing it up. I’m the heavyweight champion of the world if we don’t have to actually compete. 


#9. The number of logos allowed on a race kit are equal to that of NASCAR. In other words, go nuts. Only Wimbledon and the ITU restrict logos to the point of communism. 


#10. Ironman tattoos are perfectly acceptable. You just finished one of the toughest days of your life. A bit of ink is just fine. Don’t let douche bags rain on your accomplishment. 


#11. No buckets. It’s doesn’t matter how well thought out your transition is, don’t bring a bucket unless you plan to paint parking lines on the concrete or are going fishing after the race. 


#12. Shave. You’re representing a group of people generally regarded as some of the fittest in the world. It’s a hot, sweaty, sometimes muddy sport, that keeps clothes to a minimum. Hanging out all day with gorilla legs and a hairy back does not make you a good steward of the sport. Clean it up. 


#13. Learn who the pros are. In this sport everyone likes to think they’re the next big deal. Do yourself a favor and learn the names of those who actually make a living at being a badass. 


#14. Support the sponsors. They pay money so you can have a great time. Don’t spend 45 minutes picking their brain and then head to the ‘net so you can save 3 bucks. That will get you flogged. 


#15. Exaggeration of training is perfectly fine. Just keep in mind that Rule #39 is still in effect at all times. 


#16. Drinking and triathlon are first cousins. Embrace your first cousin. There’s a reason beer is offered at 9 am at the race. Because we love it. Science has actually shown that a buzz and runner’s high is very similar, and endurance athletes drink more than your average bear. 


#17. It’s a transition area, not your hotel room. Spreading out all your stuff for transition beyond 1 small towel is not acceptable. 1 bag limit. 


#18. White race kits are only allowed if you know your body well. Really well. If you’ve ever worried about poo leg on a long run, then white is not for you. Ladies, if you are expecting a visit from your “Aunt Flow” then white is not for you. I don’t think I need to say anymore. 


#19. Qualifying for Kona and your local “wellness” or “anti aging” clinic do not go together. If by some coincidence you decide your wanker doesn’t work right the exact same time you’re trying to get to Kona, stop everything and look for a new sport. Getting HGH, Testosterone and EPO shots in the name of ‘aging’ or wiener health won’t fly here. There are sports where cheating seem to be acceptable like here and here, so try those sports. This isn’t one of em. 


#20. This sport has a history, learn some it. If you don’t know who the Big Four are, unfamiliar with the ’82 Moss Crawl, or think the Ironwar has something to do with the Industrial Age, then you got some reading to do. 


#21. No “trunks” in the pool. Look, we get it that you’re a little self conscious wearing a skin tight swimsuit. Get over it. I promise you that you will get 10X more comments trying to swim laps in basketball shorts than you will a jammer. 


#22. It’s OK to hate swimming, but you still have to do it. It’s not OK to use your wetsuit as a life preserver. Learn to swim. If you don’t there’s a sport called duathlon just waiting for you. 


#23. Learn to circle swim. You really don’t need the whole lane to yourself. Stay to the right. 


#24. Complaining about the water makes you look like a sissy. This is a tough sport. The distances are tough, the conditions are tough and the people are tough. Whining that the water isn’t as clear as your last trip to Grand Cayman isn’t winning you any cool points there Nancy. 


#25. Learn Flipturns. You can pick the person out racing in high-tops right away. You get the idea. 


#26. Obey the law – Nothing gives us a worse reputation than someone blowing through a red light like he’s above it all. The law applies to vehicles. You’re on a vehicle. Don’t be a douche. Obey the law. 


#27. Don’t ride with headphones. Save the Rocky Soundtrack for your run. Your ears are needed to help keep you alive on the bike. Plus, depending on your state, it’s illegal. See Rule #26 


#28. Support yourself. Others should not be obligated to babysit you on your ride. Flat tires should not take a village to fix. 


#29. No aero helmets in training. While you might ride a whopping .2 mph faster, you will look like an absolute dork. 


#30. Save the race wheels for the race. Yes, the bike does look cooler with $2,000 wheels, but your wallet will be thinner when a pot hole or rock crack that carbon. Leave some sizzle for the race. 


#31. Learn to ride in a group. Wobbling down the road being afraid of anything around you is no way to go through life. 


#32. Hold your line. Erratic movements in a group ride will take everyone out. Tighten it up. 


#33. Don’t make accordions. Taking a turn up front is expected and appreciated, but not if you floor it the moment you take the reins, The guy 20 people back is going to get dropped by moves like that. Accelerate slowly so everyone can play. 


#34. No shorts over your cycling shorts. Sister to Rule #21. Dress like you know what you’re doing. 


#35. Learn to pee on yourself. You’ll spend $5,000 dollars to shave 55 seconds but won’t pee down your leg to save 3 minutes? 


#36. The engine always trumps the rig. Always. 


#37. Be on time, but don’t leave early. If the group ride or run is scheduled for 7 am, courtesy allows for 5 minutes. That means that sometime between 7 and 7:05 the wheels start rolling. If you roll up in your car at 7am and think everyone should wait for you to assemble your bike and pump up your tires, think again. Likewise, convincing the group to leave at 6:54 because you have a t-ball game is just bad form. 


#38. No tan-lines allowed. This is not cycling. A farmer’s tan doesn’t make you look cool in anyway. The only exception is cycling short lines. Those are permitted, but need to be laser sharp. 


#39. If you decide to talk the talk, be prepared to walk the walk. See also Rule #15. If you claim 3 hours at 300 watts, you’ll be expected to prove it. 


#40. Crawling is an acceptable mode of transportation. It’s not pretty, but it gets the job done, and this sport is about getting the job done. 

Tally Ho!!! Recovery Week!! TFG!!

Four weeks ago, I "suggested" to my coach that I wasn't suffering enough.  I thought the bike workouts were a tad too easy.  I was to back off the power as soon as I hit zone 4/5, however I am of the mindset, "no pain, no gain" which probably explains why I always get hurt every year.

Well coach complied and for this last build, the workouts became significantly harder.  There were several interval drills where I was tapping out at max heart rate of 167 (zone 6+).  Some of the drills resulted in good old fashion leg burning.  I resorted to counting to 300 (five minutes) to reach the end of the interval.  Time seemed to stand still on these drills and counting to 300 helps keep the mind occupied.  On Saturday mornings, my long bike consisted of three hour rides (indoor) followed by a 30-40 minute run.  Unfortunately, Jake has indoor soccer at 9:45 am and the girls have swimming at 9:30, so in order to finish the workout including stretching, eating and showering, I can't start any later than 5:15 am.  Fortunately, Jake's soccer is ending soon and he'll able to go to the pool with the girls because eventually, the rides will get longer.  I'm not sure what the kids have for activities once the summer rolls around but they're going to be a lot more juggling.

A couple of times in the last four weeks, I had to take a nap after I finished eating breakfast.  Its amazing how much better I can feel after a short 20-30 minute nap.

On the weight front, I finally started to lose the pounds, about time, given how hard the workouts are but this weekend, I managed to gain four pounds in two days.  I'm right back to where I was six weeks ago!

On the injury front, I'm sore and yesterday's long run of 15 km gave me a sore shin.  The same spot where I had a stress fracture.  I think I must start training smarter. For all my runs (four per week), I've been trying to run at the same speed I was running at this time last year.  Almost flat out and its been way too hard on my body.  I also need to do more strength training.  The schedule only calls for 15-30 minutes sessions, three times a week but some how at least one workout gets missed.  After riding the trainer for 2-3 hours, I can feel it in my knee, hamstring, IT band etc.

That's all I got, but I leave you with this..........